Becky
__400x300.png)
See full story
While breastfeeding her new baby daughter, Becky discovered some lumps in her left breast. At first, she ignored them, thinking lumps were just part of the package. But after a few months when they didn’t go away with the plugged milk ducts, she made an appointment just “to see what was going on.” Despite having a mutation on her BRCA1 gene (learn more about Becky experience with inherited cancer risk here) and years of aggressive screening before her pregnancy, breast cancer was simply not within Becky’s “realm of possibility.” Thus, with no worries, she went to the clinic alone. Then everything changed. Even before the mammogram, the nurse practitioner looked Becky straight in the eye, and said, “this isn't going to be good.” In fact, it was very bad news: Stage 3 breast cancer.
Becky recalls being “shell-shocked” as the reality that she had breast cancer washed over her. There was some good news too. That straight-talking nurse practitioner soon called to tell her that it wasn't metastatic. Becky muses, "it's funny to think of that being the best news I've ever gotten in my life." She knew right then that it would be a “tough road,” but that "it would be okay.” Rather than Googling and having to weed out misinformation, Becky trusted her breast cancer team, comprised of “the most amazing people with big hearts—and so smart.” Her treatment started with chemotherapy, followed by a left mastectomy, radiation, a right mastectomy and reconstruction, and ended with surgical removal of her ovaries and fallopian tubes.
After recovering from her final surgery, Becky expected things would return to her pre-cancer “normal.” They did not. With the overwhelming “pile-on” of working as a new mother, cancer and a changed body, it was hard to tease out which factor made her new life so different. Even after receiving excellent counseling at the cancer center for a bout of depression, Becky notes that her memory and ability to focus are not as laser sharp as they once had been. Even worse, is experiencing and judging her constant worry about a cancer recurrence. She, herself, was once so “judgmental of hypochondriacs.” While not “out there wearing pink” or wanting breast cancer to define her, Becky doesn't “diminish” her story. She knows how very fortunate she is. She has great health insurance but recognizes that so many are “dealing with finances.” And too many other breast cancer patients, unlike Becky, “don't get to sit here two years later and say, ‘here I am.’”
Becky counts her circle of support as the “really bright spots” in her breast cancer journey. Her husband, mother, sister or best friend came to each appointment. They not only were her “second set of ears,” but also helped her interpret what they had heard and identify follow up questions for her doctor. You wouldn't know that her family lives far away, she says, “by how they were here for me, physically and emotionally, during the whole process.” Her best friend, now part of her family, provides unconditional love, and is always there to share a good cry or a few jokes. A good sense of humor is essential. Becky says, humor “takes my mind off of what I'm actually going through” and reminds her that, “this is a tough moment, and it's going to be over, and it's going to be a memory.”
Becky was still breastfeeding her daughter when she felt lumps in her breast.
Becky was still breastfeeding her daughter when she felt lumps in her breast.
My beautiful daughter was born in [date] of 2015, and I was breastfeeding. And she was maybe three months old or so when I felt a couple lumps in my breast, in my left breast. But I had also dealt with some plugged ducts while I was breastfeeding, and those hurt. The plugged ducts hurt, but the, these other ones didn't. But a first-time mother, first time breast feeder. I just assumed it was all part of it. So, I ignored it and after a couple months, they hadn't gone away. I hadn't dealt with any other plugged ducts. So I figured it was time to make an appointment and see what was going on. And I really, breast cancer was just not, even though I had the gene mutation, it just was not in the realm of possibility." So, I went in. I met with my with my primary doctor, my OB-GYN. And she played it cool, but she said, “I want you into the breast center.”
Becky thought carefully before deciding to have reconstruction.
Becky thought carefully before deciding to have reconstruction.
Deciding to do reconstruction was not an easy decision for me. It was something I gave a lot of thought. I didn't want it to be for vanity’s sake that I was getting it done. And I knew I was going to put myself through a lot more to get it done, and that it felt elective almost at that point. On the other hand, it felt like I was still young enough that it was going to be worth it in the long run, just with things like wearing a swimsuit and just buying clothes and maybe feeling a little bit more normal. So, I decided to do it.
Becky wants providers to learn more by repeatedly asking patients about their side effects.
Becky wants providers to learn more by repeatedly asking patients about their side effects.
Yeah, so I think if you're walking someone through cancer journey in any way, shape, or form, you know, even if you're not the one who's prescribing the drugs, I mean, if you're the plastic surgeon, if you don't connect with the person you're working with they're not going to feel comfortable talking to you about, all the little things that really add up. I think a lot of people go into doctor's offices and don't tell the truth about what they're dealing with because well, I already told him one, two, and three. And they seem really busy and need to get on to other things so I'm not going to bother them with four, five, and six. The four, five, and six could be pretty key pieces of the puzzle. So, feeling like you're not being hurried to go through what you're going through. Ask multiple times, is there anything else? And ask, ask those prompt questions that aren't yes or no, and because it's going to take people time to feel comfortable sharing the really awful side effects in a lot of cases that come with this. They're not parts of your body you feel comfortable talking about.
Becky saw a counselor at the cancer center where she was treated.
Becky saw a counselor at the cancer center where she was treated.
I did deal with some depression kind of when it was all done. I was able to work with a counselor right there in the [COMPREHENSIVE CANCER CENTER], which was so reassuring that they were right there in the [COMPREHENSIVE CANCER CENTER]. That it wasn't like I had to, that it wasn’t someone who didn't work with this situation day in, day out. That they really had heard my same story so many times and knew how to help me with it. I was really grateful for that resource.
---
He gave me some ideas for how to deal with like, when the worry really crept up. The main one was, just acknowledge it and give it its moments and then move on, versus just trying to keep stuffing it down to only have it keep creeping up. So, that was good advice that's worked for me. He helped me break through some of my excuses for not getting enough exercise. And because I knew exercise was going to help me feel better. So, he helped me break down some of my good excuses I had put in front of that. And yeah, I met with him three times and it felt like the kick start I needed to the year.
Becky doesn’t want cancer to change her self-image as a healthy person.
Becky doesn’t want cancer to change her self-image as a healthy person.
I was an incredibly healthy person leading up to this. And it's funny. I still don't even think of it as an illness. It's hard to say it like, when I was sick. Or, I just don't think of it that way. And I still think of myself as an incredibly healthy person who had this, I guess kind of major bump in the road. But I don't get colds. I don't get headaches. I, so this just came crashing in. And I don't always want to be thinking about, am I sick? Am I not sick? I just, I don't have time for it. I want to be a strong person. I want to be a strong healthy person. And to really have to add in paying closer attention to my body and what may or may not be going on just bothers me. I just don't want it to have to be part of my routine.
Becky went from agnostic to atheist.
Becky went from agnostic to atheist.
I think during this process I went from agnostic to atheist.
---
I don't believe. And this experience just confirmed that for me, really, that I decide how each day goes. There are some things I have control over and there's some things I don't have control over. But I have control over how I handle the situation. Nobody else is going to do it for me.
Becky underlines the importance of getting your questions answered.
Becky underlines the importance of getting your questions answered.
Go in with like a handwritten list of your questions or concerns, and you put it in front of them when you walk in and say, “These are all the things that I need to talk with you about today before you leave here.” I mean, the mental and emotional side of this is, at the very least, equal to the physical side of this, if not greater. And if you don't feel like you're being supported or listened to by your doctor. My opinion is your chances of getting better are going to be way less.
Becky says other people’s stories are never relevant to your situation.
Becky says other people’s stories are never relevant to your situation.
I did get tired of hearing other people's stories about people they knew who had cancer. I think going through this experience made me realize how unique each person's treatment and journey is. And you just, you can't realize it until you're directly connected to it, whether it's you or, you know, your daughter or your mother or something like that. Just how unique each person's treatment and, and path is, so when someone would say, “Oh my friend had that and it ended up being no big deal. It was a, you know, it was a lumpectomy and then everything was fine and they moved on” I never want to make anyone feel bad about something and say when they're trying to be helpful. So, it was a lot of nodding and smiling to those kinds of stories. So, I didn't find that very helpful because it's impossible to explain to each and every person just how unique your situation is.
Becky saved every card she received.
Becky saved every card she received.
More than anything, the cards. I've saved every single card that anyone sent me. And just the text messages of, “Thinking of you, I love you, I'm here for you if you need me.” You know, just to know that they're thinking of you. It didn’t have to be anything more than that. I didn't expect people to pick up the phone all the time. I didn't want people to do that because, again, it felt like I had to find energy for that. You didn't have to find energy for a text message.
Becky acknowledges her difficult emotions and then moves on.
Becky acknowledges her difficult emotions and then moves on.
It was actually right when I was done with everything and I was surprised how I was feeling. So, at that point I reached out.
---
Asking for an appointment with a therapist, he gave me some ideas for how to deal with like, when the worry really crept up. The main one was, just acknowledge it and give it its moments and then move on, versus just trying to keep stuffing it down to only have it keep creeping up. So, that was good advice that's worked for me.
Becky talks about how it can take time to open up to a doctor.
Becky talks about how it can take time to open up to a doctor.
I felt like I ended up with doctors who took time to understand my personality. I can say that for sure about two of my doctors, that they absolutely in their crazy, hectic, frantic days, took time to understand who I am and the best way to talk to me about things. I think I got lucky with the other two doctors, that it really just worked out that way. That we were a good personality match. Not to say that they didn't put that effort in.
---
So, feeling like you're not being hurried to go through what you're going through. Ask multiple times, “Is there anything else? And ask those prompt questions that aren't ‘yes’ or ‘no’. And because it's going to take people time to feel comfortable sharing the really awful side effects in a lot of cases that come with this. They're not parts of your body you feel comfortable talking about.