Debbie
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Debbie woke up in the middle of the night, about two years ago, with pain in her breast. She found a lump but was able to fall back to sleep. In the morning, she notified her doctor and was soon-after diagnosed with Stage 2 invasive ductal adenocarcinoma. Because there were two large masses, and she went through six chemotherapy treatments to shrink the tumors before surgery. It was tough. She lost her hair and 26 pounds that she didn’t have to lose, and unfortunately chemotherapy was not successful at shrinking her tumors. While accepting that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, she says, “I went all through that for basically nothing.” Debbie then chose to have a bilateral mastectomy, because she did not want to have to keep worrying about going through cancer again. Breast reconstruction surgery, she says, was a “no brainer” and makes her feel better about herself. She is taking an hormone therapy to further reduce her risk of recurrence. Debbie credits having a “great team, great surgeons, great plastic surgeon, great oncologist that really see me as a person, and not just a patient, or a number, or a case.”
After six weeks of recovering from surgery, Debbie’s life “returned to normal,” or she says ,“as normal can be when you have breast cancer.” She soon returned to working full-time running her in-home daycare center and is grateful to the families who were so supportive during her treatment. But Debbie acknowledges that the fear never really goes away, especially since this is her “second battle with cancer;” Debbie survived and “cheated” bone cancer ten years ago with surgery and no chemo or radiation. She is deeply grateful to her husband, family, and friends for their love and support—and to so many people who prayed for her. Participating in a breast cancer support group with its girls’ nights out, outdoor activities, and educational sessions has been wonderful, noting “you can't understand it unless you've been through it. Since breast cancer, Debbie avoids the anxiety of a too-tightly packed schedule and is much more likely to listen to her body and “say no” to requests for her time.
Debbie believes “God was orchestrating the whole thing.” With no family history of cancer, she believes there is a reason that, “cancer picked me twice.” Most breast cancer tumors don't hurt, but that the pain waking her up was a sign. “God wanted me to find it,” she notes, “I would not have found it and got the ball rolling otherwise.” The timing itself was perfectly orchestrated. She moved from discovery, to medical diagnosis and through treatment like clockwork. Her daughter’s wedding fell early enough in her chemotherapy that she had energy to “have a blast dancing the night away,” looking good in her wig. Debbie notes, “had it been one more treatment… I wouldn't have been able to experience that.”
Of course, if she had a choice, Debbie would never have chosen to get cancer. But, she acknowledges, “it gives you a new perspective on life.” She no longer takes things for granted, because “tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us, on any level.”
Debbie relied on doctor recommendations to find reliable sources online.
Debbie relied on doctor recommendations to find reliable sources online.
A lot of it, I would discuss it with my oncologist and say, “What is really true?” Although, he gave me websites to choose. And there's a lot of really good websites out there. You don't want to go to something that's not reputable. But there's places like cancer.org. I can't think of the other ones right now, but there's a few other ones that are reputable. And you just kind of have to weigh everything. “Does this sound reasonable?” There are so many things out there that are available now that, that there weren't. And they're constantly making improvements.
For Debbie, the decision to have reconstruction came easily and she had no regrets.
For Debbie, the decision to have reconstruction came easily and she had no regrets.
Well, one of the reasons I chose to do reconstruction was I didn't think I could handle having nothing there because I already battle depression. I didn't want to look at my body and remind myself how awful I looked. And my husband wanted that too. He enjoys seeing my body. So. That was a no brainer for me, easy decision. Yep, let's do it. And it actually makes me feel better about myself. I don't think I would feel very, very good about myself if I didn't. For me, that's important. I know for a lot of people, it doesn't matter to them, but to me it does.
Debbie says her team did not rush and created opportunities for questions.
Debbie says her team did not rush and created opportunities for questions.
One of the things that I've experienced is that all of my team has not ever made me feel like I have to be in a hurry. They've allowed me to take my time, you know, think of questions. If I don't think of them at the time, you know give us a call if you think of it later. And so just remain available, write stuff down, give as much information as you can. If there's things that the patient needs to research, give them that information and where to look.
Acupuncture helps relieve Debbie’s side effects.
Acupuncture helps relieve Debbie’s side effects.
I was having so much trouble with chemotherapy, I thought, well, I'll try it. And I actually have a friend that's an acupuncturist. In fact, he's one of my clients. And, so, I went to him. And he got fluids moving through my body that hadn't been moving properly because everything gets backed up when you have chemotherapy and it gets sluggish. And there was actually one point when he was working on me, he did mostly acupressure, that I could feel the fluids moving all the way to my foot. And that was an amazing feeling. Now, I'm struggling with some neuropathy. I thought it was carpal tunnel, but it's actually neuropathy and, so, I've been going to him for that. And that has made a world of difference. It's not carpal tunnel. I don't have to have surgery.
Debbie was grateful that her day care clients were understanding when she had to close during treatment.
Debbie was grateful that her day care clients were understanding when she had to close during treatment.
It was hard to have to close for six weeks. But as soon as I was diagnosed, I let every single client know. And they all said, “Okay, whatever you need. Let us know.
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And they all made other arrangements, were eager to get back, to get back here, and kids were missing me, and the stability of home here. And then having to be, I told them at that time that there would be another surgery. That I'd have to be closed for a couple of weeks. And so, they were all like, “Okay.” And again, I took one week of that as vacation, and so basically just closed for one week. But they've all just rolled with it. And it's made it much easier. Some of them have brought in meals. And so, it's made it a lot less stressful than it could have been.
Debbie says, “You can’t understand it unless you’ve been through it”.
Debbie says, “You can’t understand it unless you’ve been through it”.
There's a group here in [LOCATION] and, I think, nationwide, Breast Friends. And they're fantastic because it's all a group of breast cancer survivors that have been through similar, if not the same journey. And it really helps to connect with other people that know what you're talking about because family and friends don't get it. You can't understand it unless you've been through it.
I think that's it.
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Once you're done with chemotherapy and your treatment plan is done. For family and friends, it's over. They're done. You know, but for us, as survivors, it's never over because there's always appointments, and many of us are on long-term medications, and so, you know, every day we're reminded. Every day, when I look in the mirror, I'm reminded. I'm not, I don't look like I used to look. And, so, it's, it’s been amazing to have that support.
Debbie describes how she thinks patients want clinicians to communicate.
Debbie describes how she thinks patients want clinicians to communicate.
Write things down for your patients because that's a tremendous asset to have. Go everything, go through everything, and in detail, and don't be rushed. Take your time. That's one of the things that I've experienced is that all of my team has not ever made me feel like I have to be in a hurry. They've allowed me to take my time, you know, think of questions. If I don't think of them at the time, you know give us a call if you think of it later. And so just remain available, write stuff down, give as much information as you can. If there's things that the patient needs to research, give them that information and where to look.
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Don't come at patients with a bunch of terminology that they don't understand. Break it down in terms that they can understand. It's fine to have, you know, the fancy words. But don't leave it at that. Explain everything because--and maybe more than once, probably more than once. Write it down. Make sure that they understand and don't be standoffish. Be real because that's what we want is someone to be real. We don't want someone to be fake. And be kind. Be kind and compassionate. Once a friend asked me, “Well, if you had to choose between someone with a good bedside manner or someone that was the best in what they do, which would you choose?” And I said, “I believe you can have both.” And I don't think I could work with someone or have a doctor that has no bedside manner, and that wasn't kind and compassionate because then, that tells me, what do you care about me? I need to know that you care about me. So be kind. Take the time to talk to me. Be compassionate. You know, maybe talk to me, get to know me a little better than just about the cancer because I am a person first, not just a patient. So make me feel like you really care about me, that I'm not just another patient to see.