“Doug”

I went to Desert Storm in 1990 at [age redacted] years old. I was deployed for 12 months. We were the main supply element for all the equipment and stuff coming out of the county, so anything that had to do with like shipment from railhead to boat to land, it was our element, so we were the ones at the main ports bringing everything in. When that part was complete, we ended up doing other auxiliary duties like guard duty, patrol, and other things in regard to our mission within theater. I know we were attacked. Maybe about 20 times we were attacked with scud missiles and things like that. We came into contact with a lot of equipment, munitions, potential radioactive material, and material that was being burned all the time too. We had like burn pits and all that, so all those things may have contributed to the illness as well. There was a lot of airborne viruses that I know pretty much every time I would go into theater in those particular areas like Iraq, Afghanistan, and Saudi Arabia, it would take us about maybe three to four weeks for us to get used to the water there, water consumption, so I had bouts of diarrhea like almost every single place I've been since that time. It was kind of systematic. But I think one thing too is the anthrax and all the shots that we were taking during that time. Some of the stuff wasn’t identified we were taking, so it was, hey, take this. We're going to give this to you in your rear, and you're going to, it's going to, don’t scratch it. Don’t do anything to it. And that was one thing that I thought was kind of odd at the time.

And most Veterans, they are not ashamed to take their benefits, but a lot of them are apprehensive to starting it. But once they realize the stuff that's out there for them and what's there to help them, they feel, I've been missing out on this all this time, and all I knew was that I thought it was a handout. It's not a handout. You rose your hand to get in this, so why should you not raise it now? It doesn’t make any sense.

You won't believe this. I have colonels. I have full bird colonels, officers, and people who are just like me, well like me but have higher rank or lower rank, and they often will say, I didn’t know this was in existence. How do you know about this and I didn’t know? So, what is this? I’m just now finding out, I’m about to exit out of the military. So that's where we're deficient. The word of mouth deal is not taken care of. Here's one thing. I don’t know if you know. A lot of people don’t know. The VA clinic just said that to the guys over here in the Portland VA. Oh, we didn’t know this existed over here. What is CWT? You know what CWT is? It's, I just got accepted to it. Well, the CWT program is a career work transition program for Veterans who are disabled. And what happens, I just got accepted for that program. And the weirdest thing is like, how come no one told me about this? I could have actually did this and got back into the workforce this way or that way or whatever. Yeah. They were totally oblivious to the fact. This is the problem we have. Almost every single piece of information that's not widespread, it should be done as a pathway that's compressed and, what do you call that, streamlined to where you know that Veterans can see it when they sign up for their driver's license, when they go in and get their update for their voting registration. So, all these things, those pamphlets and packets should be right there.

But, yeah, I just feel that the transition from it is very critical. I think when you look at a soldier’s contract and prepare their contract to if they are planning to get out or not, and they do a mid-career somewhere at least six months before they get out as far as the benefits that are available from the VA because they're kind of standardized now because I had soldiers who, because I literally didn’t know. I did know that across the VA there was a program they were doing with the VA and the state. They were doing this thing with the commercial driver's license. So if you had a military type vehicle that has the same style of a vehicle, they would give it to you just by taking the written test. So I had a Colonel who told me and I’m interested in that, so how do I do that? Just go through your Veterans Department at your local whatever, and they'll give you the paperwork, and then you can just take the written test. That's it. So I have the license now. I can drive any vehicle on the street, bus, trucks, all that good stuff. So, there's a job right there. 

“Doug”: And at that time, the military was kind of stereotypical about it if people have PTSD and all that stuff. So they were saying, well, we care. It's just that, whatever. You won't be stigmatized, and that’s not true. And HIPAA is always violated. Like, when I started having the IBS in Afghanistan, people thought I was trying to get out of missions and stuff. I was like, dude, this is really a problem. I’m telling you, I can’t be in a vehicle and logging so many hours. And all of a sudden, they were going around telling, like, the people in command were saying this guy has bubble guts, and they were going and telling people my medical business because of whatever I was going through. That was really unprofessional. I said, most of you guys, I don’t think you were around, but I served in Desert Storm when you were probably sucking on your thumb as a baby. And they were looking at me like, oh, man okay, yah I was there for twelve months, still receiving scud attacks, so I don’t want to hear it. Yeah. That's how it is, but that's life. And I said, I told them about it. I said, since you guys want to know, I'll just end up telling you because I don’t want you going around thinking I’m trying to get out of a situation. It's really a situation. At that time, I think I had had bleeding going on and they were pretty concerned, so they said yah we are going to pull you off the road because we were doing route clearance on the main supply routes, and that’s pretty scary. People would say, you really want to do that? I’d say, yeah. I like this job. And I’d say, well, I don’t think you'd want to do that if you have this issue, if you have to get to a bathroom. Then your vehicle has stop on the side of the road, and there's a sniper. And the reason why I have to stop because of you. You want me to cause that problem? No. Yeah, you stay there. You stay back. All right. I admitted myself to the mental ward at one time when I was going through a particular situation, and there was no way I was going to be able to bear whatever I was doing. It was ideations of suicidal, suicidal communication, but it wasn’t something I was going to do. But it came to the point where I needed to educate myself on how to bear things and how to deal with things, and I didn’t think it was really beneficial for me to be there to get taken care of. I was there for about three weeks. And I just needed a break because there was so much I was going through at the time. And I ended up receiving that care, but at the same time, I knew the unit, they were backlashing like I was pulling a fast move or something. Usually a lot of times when soldiers go to receive mental care, the command usually tries to language that, saying they're trying to get out of something. They're trying to avoid something.

Interviewer: So you were in the military actively when you went.

“Doug”: Correct. And it was to the point to where they were stigmatizing me. They wouldn't trust me with certain things. And then it came to a point where they figured out, oh, he's okay. Because once, the magic word they want to hear from the medical commander there is that suitable for, fit for duty. They want to hear fit for duty clause. And once they hear that, oh, you're back to work. Forget that other stuff. It's like, wow. But they don’t care. That's the main word they want to hear. Fit for duty. So, they can either get you in trouble or make your butt go back to work. But what about the in between there? Why did the soldier go there to begin with?

Interviewer: Absolutely. Yeah. So you feel like there's no like transition back or awareness of anything.

“Doug”: There's no sympathy for people with, yeah. There's really, unless you're higher ranking, they kind of have sympathy for you. Oh yeah, well, he's an officer, so he's educated, so this person had a reason why they went there, and they wanted to go there and take care of themselves. But when an enlisted soldier does that, it's like, hey, we need you at work. We're losing productivity because you're not there. A lot of guys don’t like that. And you see these guys talking about it.

I admitted myself to the mental ward at one time when I was going through a particular situation, and there was no way I was going to be able to bear whatever I was doing. It was ideations of suicidal, suicidal communication, but it wasn’t something I was going to do… But it came to the point where I needed to educate myself on how to bear things and how to deal with things, and I didn’t think it was really beneficial for me to be there to get taken care of. I was there for about three weeks. And I just needed a break because there was so much I was going through at the time. And I ended up receiving that care, but at the same time, I knew the unit, they were backlashing like I was pulling a fast move or something. Usually a lot of times when soldiers go to receive mental care, the command usually tries to language that, saying they're trying to get out of something. They're trying to avoid something.

Well, when I was in Desert Storm, I had some shots and stuff, and I think it made my preexisting dermatitis and psoriasis stuff worse. I would have the issues like in between the connective areas like the elbow, shoulder, and that's where I think I first started to experience adenitis. It's like hard, it's like pimples that turn hard in certain areas where your glands are, and they kind of stay there, and they usually dissipate on their own after a while. But I started seeing some of them in between the groin, the thigh, the neck, and the forehead. So I just recently went in for dermatology, and they gave me other stuff for me…these right here, like, spots… That would come in, and they would be, they wouldn't be like pimples. They would be hard and painful, and then it would go away on its own after a certain amount of time. But, yeah, they started giving me some more medication there because right now I’m on a lifetime prescription of minocycline and doxycycline. 

We came into contact with a lot of equipment, munitions, potential radioactive material, and material that was being burned all the time too. We had like burn pits and all that, so all those things may have contributed to the illness as well. There was a lot of airborne viruses that I know pretty much every time I would go into theater in those particular areas like Iraq, Afghanistan, and Saudi Arabia, it would take us about maybe three to four weeks for us to get used to the water there, water consumption, so I had bouts of diarrhea like almost every single place I've been since that time. It was kind of systematic. 

“Doug”: Yeah, the PTSD and all that stuff, and they asked if I wanted to take medication at the time. And at that time, the military was kind of stereotypical about it if people have PTSD and all that stuff. So they were saying, well, we care. It's just that, whatever. You won't be stigmatized, and that’s not true.

Interviewer: So they offered you medication, and you said no for PTSD?

“Doug”: Yes, because I didn’t want that in all my records and this and that.