Work Difficulties
Many Veterans we interviewed described how physical and cognitive changes they experienced after the Gulf War diminished their ability to work and their career choices. Symptoms related to fatigue, pain, IBS, and PTSD were commonly referenced by participants (click here to hear more stories about GWI Symptoms). Some Veterans faced challenges with their jobs immediately following the Gulf War, while others described a gradual increase in difficulties performing various tasks or maintaining a consistent routine. For many participants, these health changes led to taking sick days, switching careers, having to quit or scale back their work, or retire early.
Problems in the Military after the Gulf War
For Veterans who remained active duty after the Gulf War ended, some shared experiencing debilitating symptoms such as pain, bowel problems, fatigue, and PTSD that interfered with their work. For example, Ken had hip and joint pain that affected his ability to do logistics work in the Army and drive forklifts: “I mean it just got to the point where I couldn’t function anymore. I couldn’t work.” Some participants who had to take sick leave said they were ridiculed, not believed, and called a ‘slacker’ by fellow service members and commanders in their units.
Within months of returning from the Gulf, “Santos’” symptoms were affecting his ability to lead his squad, making him reconsider his career in the Army.
After leaving Camp Williams, Gaylon could never work full time again.
After leaving Camp Williams, Gaylon could never work full time again.
Interviewer: It sounds like the symptoms got worse over time.
Gaylon: They just seemed like they got worse. And then it seemed like—a lot of times I just didn’t work—I didn’t work full time at the VA a lot. I felt like I had to go to part time. So a lot of the years, most of the years I spent at the VA was like 32 to 24 hours. I didn’t work full time. I never worked full time again after the—I actually I did for—after I left Camp Williams I really haven’t ever worked like full time again. So I could have worked a lot more, I think, if I didn’t have all the diarrhea and stuff and the achiness and fatigue. You know, I wanted—like you work three days and then sleep or lay in bed the next day. So that’s—I think that’s the biggest way it affected me is I didn’t work as much after that.
“Doug” experienced ridicule, disbelief, and privacy violations from people in his unit about symptoms related to PTSD and IBS.
“Doug” experienced ridicule, disbelief, and privacy violations from people in his unit about symptoms related to PTSD and IBS.
“Doug”: And at that time, the military was kind of stereotypical about it if people have PTSD and all that stuff. So they were saying, well, we care. It's just that, whatever. You won't be stigmatized, and that’s not true. And HIPAA is always violated. Like, when I started having the IBS in Afghanistan, people thought I was trying to get out of missions and stuff. I was like, dude, this is really a problem. I’m telling you, I can’t be in a vehicle and logging so many hours. And all of a sudden, they were going around telling, like, the people in command were saying this guy has bubble guts, and they were going and telling people my medical business because of whatever I was going through. That was really unprofessional. I said, most of you guys, I don’t think you were around, but I served in Desert Storm when you were probably sucking on your thumb as a baby. And they were looking at me like, oh, man okay, yah I was there for twelve months, still receiving scud attacks, so I don’t want to hear it. Yeah. That's how it is, but that's life. And I said, I told them about it. I said, since you guys want to know, I'll just end up telling you because I don’t want you going around thinking I’m trying to get out of a situation. It's really a situation. At that time, I think I had had bleeding going on and they were pretty concerned, so they said yah we are going to pull you off the road because we were doing route clearance on the main supply routes, and that’s pretty scary. People would say, you really want to do that? I’d say, yeah. I like this job. And I’d say, well, I don’t think you'd want to do that if you have this issue, if you have to get to a bathroom. Then your vehicle has stop on the side of the road, and there's a sniper. And the reason why I have to stop because of you. You want me to cause that problem? No. Yeah, you stay there. You stay back. All right. I admitted myself to the mental ward at one time when I was going through a particular situation, and there was no way I was going to be able to bear whatever I was doing. It was ideations of suicidal, suicidal communication, but it wasn’t something I was going to do. But it came to the point where I needed to educate myself on how to bear things and how to deal with things, and I didn’t think it was really beneficial for me to be there to get taken care of. I was there for about three weeks. And I just needed a break because there was so much I was going through at the time. And I ended up receiving that care, but at the same time, I knew the unit, they were backlashing like I was pulling a fast move or something. Usually a lot of times when soldiers go to receive mental care, the command usually tries to language that, saying they're trying to get out of something. They're trying to avoid something.
Interviewer: So you were in the military actively when you went.
“Doug”: Correct. And it was to the point to where they were stigmatizing me. They wouldn't trust me with certain things. And then it came to a point where they figured out, oh, he's okay. Because once, the magic word they want to hear from the medical commander there is that suitable for, fit for duty. They want to hear fit for duty clause. And once they hear that, oh, you're back to work. Forget that other stuff. It's like, wow. But they don’t care. That's the main word they want to hear. Fit for duty. So, they can either get you in trouble or make your butt go back to work. But what about the in between there? Why did the soldier go there to begin with?
Interviewer: Absolutely. Yeah. So you feel like there's no like transition back or awareness of anything.
“Doug”: There's no sympathy for people with, yeah. There's really, unless you're higher ranking, they kind of have sympathy for you. Oh yeah, well, he's an officer, so he's educated, so this person had a reason why they went there, and they wanted to go there and take care of themselves. But when an enlisted soldier does that, it's like, hey, we need you at work. We're losing productivity because you're not there. A lot of guys don’t like that. And you see these guys talking about it.
Within months of returning from the Gulf, “Santos’” symptoms were affecting his ability to lead his squad, making him reconsider his career in the Army.
Within months of returning from the Gulf, “Santos’” symptoms were affecting his ability to lead his squad, making him reconsider his career in the Army.
So how many times can you keep going on sick call? So now I've got my bosses in the Army looking at me like what the heck's the matter with you? How come you cannot, why do you keep going on sick? We need you here. We need you leading your guys. I was a squad leader at the time. I had 12 guys that worked for me, so you can’t keep going on sick call, so I just learned to shut up and just to start dealing with that pain. But I’m finding out that the guys that I deployed with, they're feeling the same thing. These guys are having similar symptoms, the muscle and the joint pains and always feeling exhausted. Now when I first came into the military, I mean I come from a long line of military. My father was retired Army. Both of my brothers served. My brother was an [job redacted]. My other brother, he was in [job redacted]. My uncle is a combat-wounded Vietnam Vet. So it was expected of me to join the military, and it's all I ever wanted to do. And when I went to boot camp, I finished first in my class. You can look this up in my military records. Went to AIT. Top 10%. Went to the advanced course, PLDC, Primary Leadership Development. I was the youngest [rank redacted] in the [Division redacted]. [Age redacted] sporting sergeant stripes. The military was my life, and by the time I got back from the Gulf, within months, I had my bosses, I was up for reenlistment, telling me, you know what? Maybe you should get out now while you can still get out with an honorable. My whole attitude on the military changed. I started getting into arguments with my boss. I mean the slightest little things would offend me. I just could not get along with people trying to get, it's like, well, why do you need to go on sick call again? You don’t understand. I’m in a lot of pain. Well, they don’t look at it that way. They look at it like you're a slacker, like you're a piece of crap, that you're just trying to get out of having to go do something that you don’t want to do. Field duty, training, and stuff like that. No, that's not it. I mean the military was my life, and now it's to the point where my bosses are telling me, you should probably think about getting out before we throw you out. So my performance evaluations after coming back from the Gulf just tanked. I mean, they tanked. They have what they call NCOERs, Noncommissioned Officer Enlisted Reports. That's your report card. And the NCOER that I got while I was in the Gulf was fine, but then you look at my NCOERs when I got back from the Gulf, they just got worse and worse and worse over time.
Problems with Memory and Cognitive Abilities
Some Veterans we interviewed experienced effects on their cognitive abilities, such as memory and processing speed that worsened over time and made it difficult to keep up with the tasks and workload they had been doing throughout most of their careers. These challenges caused some Veterans to reduce workload, change positions, and ultimately retire.
Rick scaled back on work projects and businesses he owned to maintain a sense of wellbeing.
Rick scaled back on work projects and businesses he owned to maintain a sense of wellbeing.
I’m having issues with judgement. Judging distance, not bad choices, plenty of those I’m sure. But judging the distance of cars coming when I’m pulling out. So I’ve been overly cautious when I have to, so judgement and cognitive. Not being able to spell words, do simple math and then retaining what’s being told to me. I can remember my birthday, I can remember the days my parents passed away, I can remember my daughter’s birth, all of those things. But what’s going in right now isn’t necessarily going in. I’ll stop talking in conversations. Some days it’s worse than others. Some days, no I just did it a minute ago. Some days I’ll do that four, five, six times a day, some days it seems like twenty times a day. Thirty times a day. Where I just can’t remember what I’m saying. And that’s gotten real bad. That’s gotten worse. Just decided it was too much for me. Running the car business, flipping houses, running investment firm, real estate firm. And then doing some of that down here. The task as simple as having to do something with the house and not having somebody here to get a car ride. So scaling that down, scaling that back and we’re gonna close the business if I can’t get it sold within a reasonable amount of time. Reasonable I don't know what that is but it’s very soon. And I’ll just close it down if I have to, I have a hundred thousand dollars probably cash money invested into it. It’s my lot to try to recoup some of that but my quality of life and wellbeing is more important. I have to continue to work somehow some way but it’s all being impacted by my cognitive abilities. I deal with numbers, spreadsheets, investments, returns. I deal with some pretty serious stuff on top of just all the work that has to happen to get to the point of analyzing data and acting accordingly, planning accordingly.
For “Patty,” communication and memory difficulties affected how she could engage with her work and eventually caused her to seek a less demanding job.
For “Patty,” communication and memory difficulties affected how she could engage with her work and eventually caused her to seek a less demanding job.
If I exercise a lot, speaking becomes labored. Even though I was just talking a short time, I can feel my tongue thickening. And it gets harder to talk for longer periods of time. And I think that’s one lingering affect that’s really affected me throughout my time and my careers is the ability to communicate effectively has been a challenge for me. In all my jobs since the Gulf, I have to work extra hard to be able to communicate in my jobs. And I’m really conscientious, I don’t really enjoy communicating with people anymore. Like even a friend, I don’t really like to communicate much because I don’t enjoy it. And it’s challenging. So, that’s been a long-term effect, I think. And then the memory piece, I’ve noticed since I’ve got out, it’s- I don’t I have a more challenge remembering short term conversations. And that’s been a huge challenge in my workplace. I mean it would affect how I could engage in the work I do. I mean I continued to climb in my career 'cuz I would work extra hard. Like what I would have to do in X amount of time, would take somebody probably half or one quarter the amount of time. So, I was working excessively long hours, just to basically keep up and to move up. And so, outward it appears okay, I’m doing fine, and I’m rising in positions. I’m at the assistant director level, I’m leading a program. But it was internally it was a huge challenge for me. It was everything else aside just focus on work only. And just a constant focus on trying to keep up and to do things. To do things that would be like it’s almost like doing something over and over again for the first time. So, I can’t have a store of memory to draw on. To be able to do something it’s like, okay I have to start over again, to get to that point to be able to move forward to the next step. So, that’s been a challenging thing throughout my career. And then ultimately in my last big career, like when I was running a program for a membership, a non-profits membership society. That ultimately got me to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to leave. And then I went to another job with less responsibility. So, just no supervisory role, and just doing the work on my own, assigned to do for myself. And ultimately, I was laid off of that job, and I have nothing else. I’m not working right now, that was my last job.
Symptoms Related to IBS, Pain, and Fatigue Make it Harder to Work
Many Veterans said symptoms like IBS, pain, migraines, and fatigue interfered with their ability to work. This led to feelings of embarrassment and guilt for missing work. Progressive symptoms forced some Veterans to stop working altogether.
Shawn’s physical health problems ended up affecting his mental health, as he struggled with guilt about missing work.
Shawn’s physical health problems ended up affecting his mental health, as he struggled with guilt about missing work.
And you start doubting yourself, and you feel embarrassed to talk about it. And not only the IBS, but you feel, why am I always sick? And I want to work. I've actually started a youth program, nonprofit youth program, and I’m trying to get it going with summer camps and sports programs. I was asked if I would be willing to start it with the support of the community I live in because they had nothing. But I love that kind of thing. I volunteer. I've coached over 60 teams. I love charity work and volunteer, but I also need a paycheck, and the disability rating is not enough to really do anything more than exist. I’m thankful for it, but I come from generations of business owners. I’m the first person in my family not to own a business. Where most people talk about they're the first generation to go to college, I’m kind of the opposite. I went to college. I was the first one to have a bachelor's degree, but I was also the first one not to have a business. And growing up with that, my grandparents, three of them are still alive today, I saw how much work they put in. And they were small businesses, and I appreciate that if somebody calls out sick, that doesn’t mean their work sits for a day. It means everybody else works harder. So, yeah, even if I've had sick leave, like when I worked for the VA. If I missed a day of work, I came back, and there's was a lot more work. But also somebody had to do my job while I was gone. And so I’m feeling guilty. Do I go and apply for a job, and I know the Disability Act will cover me to an extent as long as I can safely do the job, but at the same time, the burden I’m going to put on somebody. What can I do that I’m going to be close enough to a restroom if I have that? What do I do if it's a small crew, and I wake up, and I have these headaches? I can’t get out of bed. So you really, the depression weighs more and more. And then people see you and like, what's wrong? You're in a bad mood. No, I just don’t feel good, and it becomes your life. And some of it's my own doing because, again, you go back to either being embarrassed or nobody wants to hear everything. People ask, how's your day? They really want to hear good. How is yours? Good, and go about. So if you're really having a lousy day, I don’t feel well, they don’t want to know why. Or you at least think they don’t want to know why, so you're left that doubt. What are they thinking about you and why you're not doing a very good job today? So, yeah. But all these physical health problems end up becoming a mental health problem. Anxiety. Not wanting to leave home. Being afraid to go out and look for something that's going to make a good paycheck. When I left the post office in 2000, I hadn’t had my knee surgeries yet. I could barely walk. I walk taking codeine and stuff, prescribed, to get through it, and then I couldn’t drive. Well, deliver mail, you drive most the time, so to handle the pain in my knees and to be able to walk, I couldn’t drive. It was really hard to do my job.
Gaylon thought his IBS and fatigue symptoms were due to a virus, but they kept coming back.
Gaylon thought his IBS and fatigue symptoms were due to a virus, but they kept coming back.
And I noticed around then I started having like, you know, a lot of diarrhea and a lot of kind of like IBS. Noticed a lot of fatigue, you know, really tired and achy. And I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought I was, you know, tired. I worked—let’s see after those 30 days I was a janitor before that at Our Lady of Lords School and I went back there but I couldn’t—it was too—and luckily I got my LPN like a few months later. And then I worked at St. Joseph’s Villa and I worked at and then I was on active duty at Camp Williams for like 3-1/2 years as a medic. We were exposed to a lot of stuff out there too. I went to Dugway a lot, lots of nerve gas and all kinds of gases and CS gas and exposed to a lot—a lot of dust I’ve been exposed to in Saudi Arabia and also in Camp Williams and Dugway… I got home back and I was working at Camp Williams, you know, I noticed it. I’d have to go and then. I noticed I was really tired too a lot but I thought well maybe just stress from, you know, coming home or something. About that time I started noticing it a little bit different than I used to be. I just had to run to the bathroom more, look for outhouses, or sometimes you had to go outside, poop outside. But you know, I didn’t think that much of it because, you know, most of the other—I didn’t think it was. I thought maybe I just had a virus or something. I didn’t think anything about it. And then it seemed like it’d go away for a little bit, you know like a month it’d go away and then it’d come back again, you know. It seemed like it was either constipated or I had diarrhea, you know, it’s like I was only normal for a couple weeks and then all of a sudden it’d be diarrhea again.
Peter had to stop working as a chef.
Peter had to stop working as a chef.
It's affected, yeah, I had to quit working. I was a chef, which is tremendously physically a demanding job, and I was getting to the point where I was coming in, and I was literally just having to go sit down in a chair in the back of the dining room before we opened, and I would just fall asleep. Fatigue was hitting me hard. I would be so physically sore, and my gut would be acting up so much that I couldn’t stay. I had to start leaving work all the time, so eventually I just had to stop working. It's just like I just have no energy. The desire is there. It feels like I’m wearing a lead suit, and I just can’t move. It's horrible.
“Alan’s” migraines affected his ability to work.
“Alan’s” migraines affected his ability to work.
I started working for [health care system name] as an ER tech. Yeah, that was one of those things. I get a job as a part-time ER tech. And I remember asking them, hey, can I work at any of the other local [health care system name]? They're like, sure. So I managed to turn a part-time job into a full-time job. And, yeah, migraines were an issue, because like I couldn’t make it to work. I was having trouble functioning at work. I had to leave work early. They weren't happy with that, and they were like, you’ve got to go. I’m like, okay. That’s around the time I started seeking help from the VA. I mean, having the migraines is kind of, and being torn up like that has prevented me from working, and it's been awful for me. My shrink said I have severe depression because I guess I’m not living like a normal life as much as I want to be. And it's just like, okay. I’m not sure what to do about that. I tried taking dozens, hundreds of medications. Most of them just make it worse.
Health Forcing Early Retirement
Veterans we interviewed had to retire earlier than expected due to experiencing progressively worse cognitive or physical symptoms of GWI and for some other co-occurring chronic conditions. Some Veterans spoke about the consequences of missing work on their finances and challenges trying to find work more accommodating to their health conditions.
Calvin tried to push through the pain while working, but eventually had to stop when he couldn’t walk.
Calvin tried to push through the pain while working, but eventually had to stop when he couldn’t walk.
Interviewer: So sounds like as far as the medical problems you’ve had and how they’ve affected your life, would you say that that’s changed over time? Were they were not affecting your life as much before as they do now? Because you started out saying how things are now.
Calvin: Gradually over time. That’s, I couldn’t even go to work. I could, my back was gone, I couldn’t go back to work. And they wouldn’t give me another job. You had to come back in the same capacity that you left. So I just I got to the point I couldn’t walk. I was at work one day, excuse me, and I move real fast and Lord. It feel like somebody stabbed me in my back. And I had to sit there. And I’m at work now. I mean it happened the first time I was like well maybe, I twisted something wrong. But the second time, I almost had to call them and tell them to come and get my vehicle. I couldn’t walk. I got here I laid about two days I finally came around. And my back been killing me ever since. That’s not going anywhere. That’s a daily occurrence. When she was saying, how do you feel? I’m like, my back is killing me, but I gotta keep going. But that’s about it. That’s the life that Calvin Jackson is living.
Interviewer: So what would you say is the turning point? Was it, was that it?
Calvin: Yeah, I would say. Because you know you miss a paycheck when you can’t do nothing and used up all my savings. I mean if it wasn’t for the VA I’d be all right, but I’d be in a lot worse place than I am now trying to pay for healthcare and medications and stuff like that if it wasn’t for the VA. It could be a lot worse. I’ve reached the, 55 would have been my targeted retirement year. Next year would have been, but I couldn’t go anymore. Couldn’t go anymore. And I didn’t walk, when I couldn’t walk I just had to let it go.
Rodney had to leave the military far sooner than she would have preferred because of her inability to keep up with the physicality of the job.
Rodney had to leave the military far sooner than she would have preferred because of her inability to keep up with the physicality of the job.
I mean the first few years after I got out I was upset, feeling you know that’s not fair. They didn’t give me the chance. You know as far as my record book goes I had a perfect record book. Never got in trouble. You know. I did everything by the books. I had gotten my E-4. So but then the reality of it was, realistically I probably wouldn’t have been able to stay in another four years without having a medical discharge. Because it started you know, the problems started affecting me as far as you know like running. You know I’d try to go run PT with my buddy because there were five of us Marines that got out around the same time. And we all kind of lived together in the same apartment and then we stayed in the same town. But we would try to go out and do PT and you know I wasn’t able to run maybe a hundred yards because of the pains in my legs. Joints. My knees and my ankles. Sometimes my hips. So that was the reality that I was seeing, and I was like you know that just wasn’t in my book. So I let go of that, this not fair attitude, and just you know it’s part of life attitude after that. I would have loved to have done my 20. That was my goal. I loved being in the Marine Corps.
Heather’s increasing fatigue caused her to change roles in her job and eventually retire six years before she had planned.
Heather’s increasing fatigue caused her to change roles in her job and eventually retire six years before she had planned.
I was just trying to find an answer or help to where I could continue working, because everything was getting worse. My respiratory, my pain, my chronic fatigue. And at the point in time, at that point I had about six years left before I could actually retire, not by age of course, because I’m not even [age redacted] yet, but years of service. I wanted to make those six years. I was a Sergeant, I had a great position. But, the fatigue and everything was really making my job hard, because I had to write these very in-depth reports. And, my brain just was shutting down from the fatigue, and then the coughing all the time. So, in April of 2017, I told my Commander and the Sherriff that I was going to have to retire. They were willing to keep me on and kind of just seclude me away, and give me some kind of a job where I could just kind of limp through the next few years, but I couldn’t get out of bed to even get to work anymore. I mean I had a, like a nine to five job, and I couldn’t get up anymore. And prior to this position, that I’m talking about, I was still on the road, as a supervisor, over other cops and my whole life I’ve been hard charger, this was totally out of character for me. But I lived in my work area. And I was so fatigued, and I just, I would go home and lay down in my bed in my uniform and put my radio on the end table and just lay there and wait, until I was needed. But, you would have never caught me doing that, all the years. By that time, I had 24 years in, and, it just, I was just going downhill.
PTSD Impacts Work
PTSD co-occurred with Gulf War Illness for many Veterans we interviewed, and PTSD affected their work experiences after military service. Click here to hear more stories about mental health.