Paul
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Paul served in both the Army and the Air Force. He was a commander in a military police unit in the Army National Guard when he deployed overseas to the Persian Gulf in 1991. At first, he oversaw security and later was in charge of enemy prisoner of war duties, such as transporting enemy soldiers back to the military prison camp: “Most of our other transports … were, you know, there was pieces, parts, chunks missing out of people and you knew when you loaded them that by the time you got them to the enemy prisoner war camp that some of them we’re going to be dead and that was just kind of the norm.” He also affirms to have been around the burning pits during his deployment. In one of his Air Force deployments in the early 2000s, he was housed on an old Soviet chemical dump, which later was found to be contaminated with uranium and chemicals. This contamination gave him and many in his platoon a swollen painful testicle. Before all his health symptoms began, he describes himself as being very healthy, and being very active when growing up, especially during his high school years.
Around 5 years after his deployment to the Persian Gulf, he began experiencing chronic aches and pains in his body, but more prominently in his legs. He claims that while he hasn’t found what triggers the pain, he notes that some days it is severe, while others it is either mild or not present. When it is at its worst, he “just want to cover up with a blanket,” since warming up seems to help decrease the pain. He also notes that the pain comes and goes in bouts of 10 to 15 minutes. Paul also suffers from PTSD, which is something he’s known he had for a while, but never sought treatment before because he did not want it in his records. Because of his PTSD he feels a lot of anxiety if he is in heavy traffic—it reminds him of an accident where prisoners of wars he was transferring were smashed by a truck—as well as crowds and big groups of people, and he is not very sociable: “I'm not social; don’t want to be social, totally disinterested.” He also suffers with short-term memory loss, tinnitus, hypertension, and orthopedic problems that are a result of a hamstring tearing injury.
At the time of his interview, he was still in the Air Force Reserves and is closing to his 36th year of service in the Military—nearing the end of his Military career. As such, he claims he isn’t afraid of seeking help and speaking out about the issues he has been having, something he claims prevented him from bringing up before: “So the system, it’s actually counterproductive because people do not seek treatment because they don’t want to get pushed out… the military system is hurting the member because we intentionally do not tell on ourselves.” This issue in the Military system is something he sees in both branches where he served—the Army and the Air Force. After coming back from the Gulf, he did not know he could seek help in the VA. He believes the Military and the VA does not do a good job of communicating with soldiers about benefits: “I've been in [the Military] for 36 plus years, I'm still in. I didn’t know anything about the VA.” He claims the turnaround of the transition coming back from the war was quick and abrupt, without much support. He also did not know that his symptoms were symptoms of Gulf War Illness. It was only after going to the burn pit registry and taking to a doctor there that he realized he needed more help.
His road to recovery from his PTSD includes a 12-week program in the VA, which seems to be helping. While he is happy going to the VA for psychological treatment, this is something he was very wary before: “I never had much confidence in the psych world, the psychiatrists, the psychologists. I kind of never got it, really didn’t believe in it.” His advice to other Veterans is to seek help in the VA and suggests that being religious and having a family structure is also important to healing, as this has helped him in his journey.
Paul found that information about bioenvironmental sampling in his group’s area in the Gulf had been lost.
Paul found that information about bioenvironmental sampling in his group’s area in the Gulf had been lost.
He requested a bio team come in, SGPB I think is there, but they came in, and they did samples of the air, the soil, the water all that. The minute, well not the minute they came in, as soon as they started sampling where we lived, they told us pack up all your stuff. Touch as little as you can. Try not to touch the earth if you don’t have to. Pick up all your stuff and move it, and don’t go back to that area. I have just recently I've sent information to like the, I don't know like the bioenvironmental people for the military overall like those people that control all that stuff. I sent them all this information asking what they’ve done about it, what they know about it? And they did answer me but with a very generic… They basically told me that they were not aware of my specific unit. And I said well how could that be? Because when that sampling team came in, they sampled exactly where we were, and I spoke to them. And I gave them the information, so I don’t understand how you’re not aware of it because they specifically came for us, our location and I directly spoke to them. Somehow that information has been lost.
Paul discusses the lack of information about VA resources he received as a Veteran of the Guard when transitioning out of the military.
Paul discusses the lack of information about VA resources he received as a Veteran of the Guard when transitioning out of the military.
The biggest issues—the part that may be not normal to what a lot of other people are going to say is because I was Guard. We were activated, then we get done with the war, they ship us back. And we go back to an active duty base for like a couple of days. And then they ship you right back home. You’re released; you're back to your normal life. And at that time there really wasn’t any transition period. They, in my opinion didn’t do a very good job at all of explaining VA benefits or even to go to the VA. It seems like as a guardsman Reservist you’re kind of left out there on your own and nobody tells you much of anything. I am still in the Reserve. I've been in for 36 plus years, I'm still in. I didn’t know anything about the VA, and I've been in all that time. And I just think about how about somebody that’s only been five, six years how much could they know if I've been in 36 years? And nobody said two words to me about it. The issues you have, you just kind of think that there’s not anything you can do about it. You just live with it because nobody ever said anything about it. They just recently came to my, the VA came to my base and actually said something. And it kind of perked a lot of people's ears up, because they’re like this is the first time we’re hearing it. I think they probably do a decent job with the active-duty people, letting them know about the VA and what help they can get, but your Guard and Reserve I don’t think they tell us hardly anything. I had an injury while on military status as a Reservist, just fairly recently. And the Reserve side, if you’re injured you’re kind of, it’s hit and miss if they’re going to help you or not. I don’t think they did a very good job with me, and then when they were done giving me subpar treatment, they basically said we’re done with you; go to the VA. And that’s how I kind of also even got involved with the VA.
Even if mental health services aren’t your thing, Paul suggests going to VA and trying.
Even if mental health services aren’t your thing, Paul suggests going to VA and trying.
So, this is, this sounds bad. This does sound bad; I get it. I guess I'm old school and never really had much, I don't know if the word is trust or confidence. I guess confidence is a better word. I never had much confidence in the psych world, the psychiatrists, the psychologists. I kind of never got it, really didn’t believe in it. And I know that sounds bad. So since I finally decided to go do it, it’s actually been pretty good. So I would tell another Veteran to go to the VA and go to the mental health people. It’s not as bad as what you think. And it does seem like it’s helping.
Paul knows the value of having a good VA representative.
Paul knows the value of having a good VA representative.
So, another Reservist had Barry as his VA rep. And he said how good Barry was and he highly recommended him. So I figured I'd give him a call because he came highly recommended. So that’s how I got involved here because I'm actually a Trumbull county resident, and this is Mahoning county, so that’s the reason I drive here to see him because he’s so good. He's very informative. Like when I have questions, he gets back to me right away and finds answers. So he’s been really good. The VA people have been great. I, you know, it’s that C&P exam session is horrible. It’s horrible. Well when it came to like filing compensation, he explained the process. Talked about, you know, symptoms those type of thing. Well, you know, this is something you really need to look at or, you know, here’s the way to do it. And then basically me asking him where are we in the process? You know, he kind of keeps you in the loop with the status of things.
Paul credits his strong and stable family for helping him readjust to civilian life.
Paul credits his strong and stable family for helping him readjust to civilian life.
Paul: It’s kind of strange because you’re in a war, and then with a very short turnaround you’re back at home just on the street with normal people. Just it’s, it’s odd. It was odd. What a quick transition from, you’re in this situation to, you’re just in a normal situation. And I think they’ve gotten better about that, with at least what I'm seeing. With this current war I deployed right off the bat when it first happened, went on a couple deployments. And I went solo. I was the only person from the base. And it was the same type of thing. It was the same thing. It was you’re there, they put you on a plane, you landed at a civilian airport. I didn’t even go back to the base, I went straight home. And you’re in this environment one day, and you’re in this environment the next day. And the transition and, at least in my experiences because I went early, I couldn’t go later is, there was no transition. It was this to this; figure it out. But they’ve started to figure it out that, that’s a mistake. Because what they’re doing now is actually holding people and making them go to classes and talk to people before they just let them loose. But when I went, it was not like that.
Interviewer: And so how were you able to transition? What things were helpful for you? What do you remember about _
Paul: I have a strong family. And I'm a very stable person. You know, good family really helped. So, you know, I think I did good. But people that are going back to not a stable environment I could see would have a lot more problems.
Outside of his little group of people, Paul doesn't like being around people or socializing.
Outside of his little group of people, Paul doesn't like being around people or socializing.
That’s kind of, okay so, the first thing the PTSD, so I do have symptoms. I'm not a violent, aggressive person, so nothing like that. I'm very calm and mild and common sense and grounded, so that’s not an issue. It just, some of the stuff, I don’t like traffic, like it freaks me out. Heavy traffic or if somebody cuts me off or rides my bumper that really freaks me out because of that one, that traffic accident where all the prisoners fell off and got smashed. So that just really bothers me. I don’t like big groups. I cannot stand to be around crowds. This may sound bad, but I really don’t like people. I kind of have my little group of people that I'm around my group of people. And I'm not social; don’t want to be social, totally disinterested. You know what I mean? So I do have those issues. So I just basically, I go to work, I go home, I don’t do a whole lot. I guess I kind of isolate myself and I do it intentionally. Aches, the pains, that stuff I just deal with it. I just, you know, just keep going. Go to work, go home.
Paul became more socially withdrawn after returning from the Gulf, which he thinks might have affected his relationships with his children.
Paul became more socially withdrawn after returning from the Gulf, which he thinks might have affected his relationships with his children.
I pretty much, I was very outgoing. And then I'd say after the Gulf War that really kind of changed I wasn’t quite as outgoing. And it’s gotten worse to where I've just kind of kept to myself more as time goes on. My kids have actually, you know, I try to hide a lot from them, you know, I don’t talk to them about anything, never have. They’ve said stuff to me about you’re socially awkward. You don’t want to be around people. You don’t want to talk to people. So they’ve noticed, you know? But that wasn’t me before. But that is me now I don’t want to be around a group of people. I can do fine like one-on-one with people; I'm fine with that. But any more than that, I really shy away from it. So my kids have noticed. I probably haven’t taken them a lot of places like I probably should have because I don’t like going out. I was married. I don't know if this had to do with me or her why we got a divorce, but she got a boyfriend. And maybe she got a boyfriend because of how I was more withdrawn. I don't know. So maybe it affected my marriage, but I don't know. I just, I don’t know that other people really recognize other than I don’t want to be around people.
Paul understands his PTSD triggers, and avoids them at all costs, resulting in him changing jobs.
Paul understands his PTSD triggers, and avoids them at all costs, resulting in him changing jobs.
The first thing the PTSD, so I do have symptoms. I'm not a violent, aggressive person, so nothing like that. I'm very calm and mild and common sense and grounded, so that’s not an issue. It just, some of the stuff, I don’t like traffic, like it freaks me out. Heavy traffic or if somebody cuts me off or rides my bumper that really freaks me out because of that one, that traffic accident where all the prisoners fell off and got smashed. So that just really bothers me. I don’t like big groups. I cannot stand to be around crowds. This may sound bad, but I really don’t like people. I kind of have my little group of people that I'm around my group of people. And I'm not social; don’t want to be social, totally disinterested. You know what I mean? So I do have those issues. So I just basically, I go to work, I go home, I don’t do a whole lot. I guess I kind of isolate myself and I do it intentionally. The aches, the pains, that stuff I just deal with it. I just, you know, just keep going. Go to work, go home.
Paul: Now at work, I can tell you the work thing, I was in a position before where I had to go to meetings all the time. And I didn’t like being around people so I intentionally would do everything I could not to go to meetings, to find reasons not to be there. Got to the point where I actually refused to go to meetings because I didn’t want to be around the people, so it affected me that way.
Interviewer: Yeah. It sounds like you’re still able to work and still in a different type of capacity.
Paul: Yeah, I've, I'm in a different job where I don’t have to go to these meetings and all that. I can't stand some of the people. Part of my previous life, I was a cop. And right now, technically I'm a cop still, but I don’t do cop duties anymore. Previously I used to do a lot of investigations, and I've, because of doing a lot of investigations I'm very privy to a lot of what some of the upper echelon has done so I don’t particularly like or trust them. So when I would have to go to a meeting and be surrounded by them and it really put me off…