Rick
See full story
At 18, Rick joined the Army and served as an armored crewman, stationed in Georgia. Within a week of being deployed to the Gulf, he fell ill with bad cramps and was told he had dehydration. He was stationed on “Death Highway,” a stretch of road he described as having numerous dead people all over, the images of which are still burned in his mind. Their chemical alarms went off “up to a dozen times” when they were required to “mask up” but later told it the M8 alarms malfunctioned. Rick believes that air and artillery were blowing up weapons with what he thinks was sarin gas that drifted down to their areas of occupation. “So, I guess you guys know if you look at the plumes, I’m one of the guys that was right in the middle of those plumes.” He also recalled how his main battle tank round was depleted uranium, which he was exposed to for a year.
Upon returning from the Gulf, Rick noticed certain smells like burning candles and cleaning projects, would give him immediate headaches, which had never bothered him previously. He began experiencing mood changes at 22 that caused “anger issues.” In his 30s, he began having stomach issues and was diagnosed with GERD. Rick described how he’s experienced gradual increase in fatigue and decline in cognitive abilities throughout the years. He must have seven shots of espresso to get him through the day, and he has had difficulties with memory, such as doing minor calculations and forgetting how to spell simple words. In 2012 he started experiencing panic attacks and at times couldn’t leave his house or drive without shaking. He was diagnosed with PTSD but doesn’t believe it is the cause of his symptoms. He has also experienced numbness in his arms and face, which led to scans revealing multiple brain lesions.
Rick has sought treatment at the VA since his 40s but feels overall many providers are not familiar with Gulf War Illness. He would like the VA to acknowledge and treat what going on in his head and recommends “If you find someone [at VA] who cares, hang onto them. They may not be in the area or division… but they’ll point you in the right direction.” He participated in the Gulf War registry and found out he was eligible for benefits he hadn’t known about and was sent to specialty clinics for further examination. At the time of the interview, he was reaching out to providers at the War Related Illness and Injury Center (WRIISC) to seek care and participate in studies related to Gulf War exposures.
He said the hardest thing is that “without a diagnosis, there’s no prognosis,” so he doesn’t know how to plan for the future. Rick, who has always had a busy work schedule running his own businesses, is scaling down on his projects in response to his changing mental capacity and desire to seek more balance in life. He uses cannabis for his mood and sleep and has found diet and meditation helpful to cope with symptoms. He doesn’t think he will get better, but he wants to do his part by documenting health issues and participating in research studies to help other Veterans who are struggling with similar issues.
Rick found that different strains of marijuana help with different GWI symptoms.
Rick found that different strains of marijuana help with different GWI symptoms.
If I just make these tiny tweaks I see a little bit of a difference in my level. And marijuana does that as well. Started to use it to sleep. I started when I got back from Desert Storm. As I think when I first started. And I honestly think that I was I don't know treating in some way, whatever. Anger. A lot of anger. Maybe young men are angry by nature, I don't know. But anger. So it helped with that. And then I started having these panic attacks and I used marijuana on a limited basis and recreational, when I started to have panic attacks they would trigger a panic attack. And I mean trigger hard. And I kept thinking maybe it’s the strain. Where is an Indica versus a Sativa or whatever and try different and it would just send me into a full-on full-blown panic attack. So I stepped away, didn’t use marijuana probably four years. Marijuana has really, I mean it’s huge… That might be something that I would tell other Veterans that if you’re having some sleep issues, nausea, maybe some mood to potentially consider visiting a State that’s recreational and exploring some of that. So that’s what I’ve been doing. I keep a journal with a picture of what it was, this strain where I got it and what it does. This one helps me sleep, this one helps my mood. This one I don’t like this one it elevates me, and it makes me whatever. So it’s almost like I’m keeping this scientific journal of what it does for me because there is nobody else to do that. So and I haven’t told anybody about this all the way through until just recently this last year. That’s when I finally told my behavioral health what I’m doing.
Rick scaled back on work projects and businesses he owned to maintain a sense of wellbeing.
Rick scaled back on work projects and businesses he owned to maintain a sense of wellbeing.
I’m having issues with judgement. Judging distance, not bad choices, plenty of those I’m sure. But judging the distance of cars coming when I’m pulling out. So I’ve been overly cautious when I have to, so judgement and cognitive. Not being able to spell words, do simple math and then retaining what’s being told to me. I can remember my birthday, I can remember the days my parents passed away, I can remember my daughter’s birth, all of those things. But what’s going in right now isn’t necessarily going in. I’ll stop talking in conversations. Some days it’s worse than others. Some days, no I just did it a minute ago. Some days I’ll do that four, five, six times a day, some days it seems like twenty times a day. Thirty times a day. Where I just can’t remember what I’m saying. And that’s gotten real bad. That’s gotten worse. Just decided it was too much for me. Running the car business, flipping houses, running investment firm, real estate firm. And then doing some of that down here. The task as simple as having to do something with the house and not having somebody here to get a car ride. So scaling that down, scaling that back and we’re gonna close the business if I can’t get it sold within a reasonable amount of time. Reasonable I don't know what that is but it’s very soon. And I’ll just close it down if I have to, I have a hundred thousand dollars probably cash money invested into it. It’s my lot to try to recoup some of that but my quality of life and wellbeing is more important. I have to continue to work somehow some way but it’s all being impacted by my cognitive abilities. I deal with numbers, spreadsheets, investments, returns. I deal with some pretty serious stuff on top of just all the work that has to happen to get to the point of analyzing data and acting accordingly, planning accordingly.
Rick gets an instant headache from certain smells.
Rick gets an instant headache from certain smells.
I know unequivocally, without a doubt is that upon return since smelling certain things gave me an immediate headache. And the headache was unusual, different than any other headache I had. It’s almost like somebody lays a hot rag, a hot washcloth over my head, and it would almost feel like it covers my head and it’s instant.
Rick says using marijuana after prescription medications didn’t help his mental health conditions.
Rick says using marijuana after prescription medications didn’t help his mental health conditions.
And I started to have panic attacks. I thought I was dying. The emergency room civilian care get three times, thinking that I was having a heart attack. My heart issues racing, racing heart, dizziness, nausea. Diagnosed as a what do they say a panic attack, anxiety. They gave me more pills. So at one-point VA had me on five Clonidine a day trying to get me, break the cycle of these panic attacks. Five Clonidine a day, three Xanax a day, two to three Xanax a day. Five Clonidine. And SSRI called Trintellix because the others hadn’t worked. Ambien to sleep, highest milligram 10. Civilian care I was getting 12, that was another issue that I had prior to military care was sleep as well. Having to be prescribed Ambien as well. And treating all of those things with marijuana. Psychological issues, anger, depression, possibly depression I don't know. And sleep, and mood. And still continue to use that to this day.
Rick tried a number of different medications to regulate his mood and anxiety, with only moderate success.
Rick tried a number of different medications to regulate his mood and anxiety, with only moderate success.
And I started to have panic attacks. I thought I was dying. The emergency room civilian care get three times, thinking that I was having a heart attack. My heart issues racing, racing heart, dizziness, nausea. Diagnosed as a what do they say a panic attack, anxiety. They gave me more pills. So at one-point VA had me on five Klonopin a day trying to get me, break the cycle of these panic attacks. Five Klonopin a day, three Xanax a day, two to three Xanax a day. Five Klonopin. And SSRI called Trintellix because the others hadn’t worked. Ambien to sleep, highest milligram 10. Civilian care I was getting 12, that was another issue that I had prior to military care was sleep as well. Having to be prescribed Ambien as well. And treating all of those things with marijuana. Psychological issues, anger, depression, possibly depression I don't know. And sleep, and mood. And still continue to use that to this day.