Chuck

Just for them to know that it is real. And, you know, that you’re always going to have people that’s going to take advantage of it. And to this whole process when doctors kept telling me, you know, well how do we believe this, or that, or this, or this, or that? And that’s a hard one, that’s a big one. You know, but you know if you’ve been around, family members have been around their loved ones and they know who they were before they went over, and they seen the changes, so this stuff is real. And it is to show love, to show care, that you care about people. Because it’s the worst feeling to be cast out all by yourself. And there’s so many people now, I know Vets that are on their own, that have gone through divorce, that they’re struggling with this stuff themselves. And it’s hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done is gone through a divorce. That is the worst thing ever to be ripped out of your partner’s arms and be thrown away like a piece of garbage. When you didn’t want any of it. And there’s nothing you could do to change it. But you just have to deal with it. That is the most hardest thing I had gone through. To lose my family, pretty much. To let go of all the things that I thought were good and loving. But that is just live by the heart, to love by, love by your heart. Because it’s people that are hurting, they need love.

Do what you’re supposed to do. Check out different things, because there’s other places that know more things than what you guys know. Don’t be stubborn, don’t be hardheaded, because everybody’s got the ability to learn. Nobody knows everything. And as things, new things happen all the time in this world, don’t be stuck with the VA system on their own little box and say if it doesn’t fit in our box, it don’t work. They got to open themselves up to different things. Because if something doesn’t work, it’s not helping us. You know? There’s more stuff out there. But people got to be open enough to go in and try it. You know? You can pound on something if it doesn’t work over, and over, and over, what you going to get? No good. It’s not going to work. Like I said, without change, there’s no change.

You know, and ever since I found the Lord, you know, I walked away from all that stuff. I walked away from drinking, I walked away from smoke, everything, it’s done and gone. It’s pretty powerful but it’s, I don’t need any of it, I don’t want any of it. It was trying to help me understand how to process this whole thing. You know, because I wasn’t getting any relief, so you know, pretty much I reached out for drugs, and alcohol, and everything else, whatever I could do to deaden the pain and try to get over it. But that’s like a lot of people, you know, they reach for something else.

Well it’s been, like I say, it’s been the Methodist church, it’s been New Life Church, it’s been the Lutheran church, it’s been Landmark Church. It’s been all these churches that I’ve talked to by reading the Bible, and how I would read something one day, I’ll give you an example. I was reading one day in the book of Romans about the crying out how the Father has your sons and daughters going to be his God. And then next day, I went to my church in Frederick, and that was powerful, I spent six months just crying. because the word would just feel like He was preaching it right to me. But after that day, at my church, I went to Aberdeen, and I went to this Lutheran church, and I didn’t understand it, but I was there to hear what that pastor had to say. Just what the sermon was. And the sermon that day was, guys, the sermon is nice, but you need to get in the word, you need to talk, let the Holy Spirit talk to you through His word. And that stuck out to me big that day. The next church I went to was New Life. And I knew the pastor there, his name was Rodney, which I got to know, and his sermon that day was all about the Holy Spirit. And once he was done with his sermon, he walked, I wasn’t even in the chapel, I was outside in the hallway outside, when he was done with his sermon he walked out of church, out to the hallway where I was, and walked right to me. And I thought, that’s kind of crazy, but I asked him, I says, Rodney, what is going on? So why am I drawn to three different pastors this morning, on Sunday morning, why am I drawn to three different pastors to hear their sermons? And he looked at me, and he told me, he says, Chuck, the Holy Spirit’s touching your heart. He says, He’s knocking at your heart.

One of the first ones when I was dealing with the VA system, like I say, they were just denying me, denying me, so I just kind of, I did kind of this kind of felt the cold shoulder, but at that time I found a church group, and at that church group that there were the Vets in there that were sharing their stories. And that gave me the opportunity to open up a little bit about my story. And this pastor, and that’s where I first learned with the suicides were 22 a day, and it was kind of an understanding where it’s very powerful. It was a Methodist pastor that was telling me this stuff, but it was part of my growth of finding the Lord. And also, I was dealing with the service officer in Aberdeen for many, many, many, many years, and the DAV, I reached out to them, and I simply just, it’s like it landed on deaf ears again. Because it’s like it’s crazy, because the service officer after a while, he knew about the chemicals. He was over in Afghanistan, he knew, he seen the chemicals, but he told me the battle was in legislation. That they weren’t going to do nothing about it. He said it didn’t matter about everything that was going on. And that pretty much, I walked away from that, and it was kind of funny how the Lord had let me to, and there was a guy in the VA system, and this is pretty powerful, in with the VA system, and I cried down there for help one day, and he said that he was involved with the DAV, but he was on kind of on the outside that was helping soldiers. And this is the guy that really kind of opened the door for me to start getting some help. And it was pretty powerful. And that’s where I think I got like 60%, or he got me the 60%, and then I left there and went up to Fargo, and then that’s where I got my 100% disability.

I lost everything. I lost the farm I had, I lost the job I had for 26 years, I lost it all. And that’s when I was living in this trailer, which the Lord put me here. And on my fridge I put Matthew 22:37, to love thy Lord thy God with all their heart, mind, and soul. And every morning I would get up and read that. Every morning I would get up and read that. Until I finally got to a point where I couldn't function anymore, and when I kept hearing these Vets that were committing suicide, 22 a day, I got down on my knees one night, I said, Lord, I can’t do this no more, I said, I’m ready to commit suicide, it's just that bad. And I told my Lord and Savior, I said, Lord, I need you to show me your true will. I need you to pick me up. And I’m telling you what, the next day, He picked me up, and He showed me He cared.

I found somebody that knew what was going on. So that was a big relief right there. Because this whole time, you know, at the VA system, I thought I was going crazy because everything I would tell them, they’d throw it back in my face, say I was, it wasn’t so. You know, these are doctors that I’d see down there, and I’d call back to them, and I had different questions, and then they wouldn’t talk to me. They’d tell me something else. I’m telling you; it was like, it was nuts. But once I found WRIISC over there, and I knew what they told me, that they knew about it, and I knew I wasn’t crazy anymore, I knew what they were telling me. I knew it was true. But yeah, they had diagnosed me with, you know, that they knew I was involved with a chemical, they knew I had all these issues going on, with PTSD, my organs, everything, you know, they did, what was it? To check my nerves, they did a test on my nerves to, and that was a test that they knew I was involved with chemical. They took a skin sample from me, but that’s when they knew that that was involved with chemical. And for me, that opened a whole different outlook of, all right guys, what I’m talking about isn’t false anymore, it’s real.