“Darla”

At 17, Heather decided that she wanted to sign up for the Marine Corps. A few years later, she was deployed to Saudi Arabia for the Gulf War. At home, her mother, “Darla” and late father would watch news coverage of the war every night. She recalls watching Patriot missiles take down Scud missile attacks, thinking about the harmful chemicals that could be raining down. As a Vietnam Veteran, her husband expressed concern: “to see him actually not joke around, and really be worried about her, I knew that was, it was very serious. Because he normally tried to make light of everything.” During the war, “Darla” shared letters in the local newspaper about how Heather was doing to connect with other military parents. “I wanted to be able to talk to other parents, because nobody else understands how you feel at that time, except them.” When Heather returned home, “Darla” was ready to celebrate, but “…it’s like Heather, and others, they never came all the way back. You know they, we thought they just needed some rest, and it was much more than that.”

Shortly after returning to the States, Heather started experiencing chronic cough and congestion, along with fatigue and depression. “Darla” struggled watching her daughter in pain: “And she, just not only was run down, it was mental and physical. You know I could tell she was depressed… I guess she just felt so bad, and didn’t know why.” The hardest part was hearing Heather wake up with relentless coughing and congestion every morning before work. Although “Darla” may have been more attuned to exposure-related health problems because of her husband’s experience with Agent Orange, it wasn’t something she was consciously aware of. When Heather was finally diagnosed with Gulf War Illness, “Darla” was glad to have affirmation of her struggles, but the diagnosis didn’t provide any firm answers.

From managing care for her father, who was an Air Force Veteran, and her mother, who had early onset Alzheimer’s, to caring for her Vietnam Veteran husband, “Darla” is a seasoned caregiver. From the start of Heather’s health struggles, she diligently researched information about exposure-related illness, management strategies, and remedies, and shared her findings with Heather. Although she now lives across the country, “Darla” visits often and helps with cooking, cleaning, caring for her pets, and driving her to appointments while she’s in town. “Darla” finds that patiently listening and understanding are the most important aspects of supporting her daughter: “…sometimes, you know when people have these long chronic illnesses, even family members start thinking, you know is this person exaggerating, or extreme, or you know why can’t they find the answers to this, why can’t they fix it?”

When “Darla” is in town, she also accompanies Heather to doctor’s appointments at the VA. Her husband, who suffered from exposure to Agent Orange, didn’t seek VA care until the end of his life. Since then, “Darla” has observed that VA care has improved a lot: “…going with her sometimes, I see such an improvement in the care, and the consideration, and the smiling faces, that pride, the Vietnam guys never saw. They just up and died.” She suggests that the VA can do more to help families by providing resources like information for family members and support groups. To other caregivers, she recommends listening to their Veterans with patience and understanding, even when things get difficult. She wants other Gulf War Veterans to resist isolating themselves and know that there is always someone willing to listen: “…if you reach out to somebody in some little way it makes you feel better about yourself, and it gives you a reason to live one more day.”