Debra

They really just need to be believed. I mean, that I can tell, they need to believe, they need a doctor, or the system to believe that yeah there really could be something wrong with them, and it really could be service connected. Even if it’s been 20 years since they’ve been in the service. They aren’t, you know they aren’t lying, or tying to get over, or you know they just probably can’t work anymore, you know or they’ve gotten to a point where they're body just won’t allow them to do what they need to do, and so they need help. But they need somebody to believe that, and not just, you know, including other Veterans. You know other Veterans are even, can be rude, as all get out. Well I’m not sick. Well, bully for you, well isn’t that awesome? And that has what to do with me? You know sort of thing, but yeah they just need to be believed and respected, for what they’ve given up, and whether they, you know whether they or anybody else realizes it, they’ve just given up a lot.

Well, from what I’ve read, they all have a fair amount of the same symptoms. Autism is a big one, being you know said that they’re autistic. But they have some sort of neurological abnormality, and they have big heads. Okay, Bryson’s got a little head, he’s got just the opposite. But he’s, you know they suffer from mood disorders, I mean it’s really very similar, I think to what the Veterans suffered, when they hit country. You know right after, these are all just my theories. You know, right after the virus was working its way through the system, you know through their systems, they went through the chills, and the fevers and the headaches, and the anger, and you know that’s I’m sure part PTSD, and maybe I’m wrong. But, I think it can be a sign of neurological damage, as well. And, I think that’s what the virus ends up doing, is affecting them neurologically. Well, a lot of these kids, the Gulf War babies are neurologically damaged, most of them, are, with different random, different diagnoses. Bryson had like fifteen different diagnoses, none of them really quite fit him. But they’re close enough for him to get services, and that’s really all I care about. All these years, it doesn’t matter, as long as you can get the care that you need, then that’s fine. But, I would really like them to, there’s some, I mean Bryson is, he’s bad, but there’s some that are worse, or some that have multiple children. It seems like, if they were born after, like after 2000, not as much. But, before, yeah.

You know, to be patient with them. We don’t mean to be crazy, we don’t mean to. You know, but there’s things going on inside our heads that are, that’s pretty crazy. And, you know who do you take that out on, but the people that you’re closest to. My wife has finally just decided not to hear anything I’ve said, really. It just is like, okay honey. I have nobody to fight with, she won’t fight with me anymore, 'cuz it’s really nice to just take that fight outside of your head, and give it to somebody else. And, you know, when somebody finally stops taking it, then you have to deal with it yourself, so. You know at the same time as being patient, don’t take it anymore. Don’t take their guff. You can be lovingly tough. And really, that’s what a lot of Veterans need, I think, I mean that’s what I needed.

They really just need to be believed. I mean, that I can tell, they need to believe, they need a doctor, or the system to believe that there really could be something wrong with them, and it really could be service connected. Even if it’s been 20 years since they’ve been in the service. They aren’t, you know they aren’t lying, or trying to get over, or you know they just probably can’t work anymore, you know or they’ve gotten to a point where their body just won’t allow them to do what they need to do, and so they need help. But they need somebody to believe that, and not just, you know, including other Veterans. You know other Veterans are even, can be rude, as all get out. Well I’m not sick. Well, bully for you, well isn’t that awesome? And that has what to do with me? You know sort of thing, but yeah they just need to be believed and respected, for what they’ve given up, and whether they, you know whether they or anybody else realizes it, they’ve just given up a lot.

Be persistent. You’ve got to be persistent, and find a doctor that you can work with. I mean I went through three doctors, before I found one that I could actually talk to. It’s important that you don’t let the system manage you, you have to manage the system. I mean that’s the best thing you can do for yourself. And don’t take the first opinion, you know if you have to, go outside, go outside the VA system to, and you know go to a doctor that doesn’t know anything about you, can’t read your whole history in one fell swoop, and have them diagnose you as well. That’s, that’s really what you have to do. The Vet Center is great because they connect to the VA. But, they don’t put all your personal notes on a damn database where everybody can read them. That’s why I went to the Vet Center. But I did not go to the VA mental health, well I did for a little while. It didn’t work out well. So, but don’t keep, you know just keep trying, that’s what I’m trying to say, I guess. Keep trying. If it doesn’t work out the first time, try again, try another avenue. Do your own research, it’ll give you something to focus on.

I play Pokémon GO, I mean I found a game to play that’s interactive, but isolating too. I don't know how many of them there really are, out there. But, you have to interact with people to you know, to progress in the game. But you can play it alone too. So, I can choose when to interact on that game, and when not to. And I got my wife playing it, so. But also, I make jewelry, so, I like to create, which I didn’t know I was creative, but I’m learning to be. And, I moved. I moved to a place that was peaceful, and to where I feel at peace. So, control your own environment, you know. And find something that you enjoy doing, whether you think somebody else is going to find that funny, or not, or silly, who cares? If it gives you peace or enjoyment, who cares what somebody else thinks. Not that many Veterans do, but they really, as long as it’s not drinking or drugs. And you know there’s some of that too, but you’re an adult, right? We’re all adults. So, be an adult, really. And you know have a great house like mine.

Right, Veterans are the best information for Veterans. And you know don’t be afraid to share it. You know and I’ve helped people put together their files, and you know, everybody’s experience is a little bit different. And I’d actually like to get involved in stuff like that, when I can walk again.

I play Pokémon GO, I mean I found a game to play that’s interactive, but isolating too. I don't know how many of them there really are, out there. But, you have to interact with people to you know, to progress in the game. But you can play it alone too. So, I can choose when to interact on that game, and when not to. And I got my wife playing it, so. But also, I make jewelry, so, I like to create, which I didn’t know I was creative, but I’m learning to be. And, I moved. I moved to a place that was peaceful, and to where I feel at peace. So, control your own environment, you know. And find something that you enjoy doing, whether you think somebody else is going to find that funny, or not, or silly, who cares? If it gives you peace or enjoyment, who cares what somebody else thinks.

I was working two jobs trying to support us and I was getting these little marks on my, all over my skin. I mean, they look almost like ringworm. I didn’t know what they were. And that’s what took me to the VA the first time. And they just said, “well it’s just a rash.” Hmm, okay. Yeah. Okay. But, I don’t, I just don’t. That was like in ’96 so I don't think that there was that much information out yet. But, so, all of this stuff was going on between, at that time, in that timeframe that I, 'cuz that’s when my first visit to the VA was…The ickys on my feet, and my hands, and I didn’t have it on my face, yet. But and just the flu-like, it always felt like I had the flu. When I woke up I was tired, still am to this day, really. I never felt like I could sleep enough. 

And I thought, that doesn’t seem quite right. So, and it wasn’t, I took him into an early intervention thing, in I think we were living in Redmond then. And, he, they said, well his vocabulary’s really good, but he still seems pretty autistic to me. You know, but they couldn’t qualify him as autistic, because he spoke too well. You know they said, well you know his IQ’s so low, he’s never going to read, he’s never going to do this, he’s never going to do that. It’s like, you can’t tell me that, you can’t tell me that your little standardized IQ test, that has nothing to do with who he is, is going to tell you that he’s never going to read. ‘Cuz that is like a no-no for me. All my kids read, period. And he does, he does read. It took me months, to get him even interested, but, and that’s the way Bryson rolls, you know. But, he, right now he’s re-reading the Harry Potter series, at Western State Hospital. So, he’s, you know he’s still growing, and not, he’s never going to be probably beyond the age of 12. The boy can survive, and that’s the best skill probably I can ask for, that he has. So, there’s him. That’s the first one, that that country took from me.

Well, from what I’ve read, they all have a fair amount of the same symptoms. Autism is a big one, being you know said that they're autistic. But they have some sort of neurological abnormality, and they have big heads. Okay, Bryson’s got a little head, he’s got just the opposite. But he’s, you know they suffer from mood disorders, I mean it’s really very similar, I think to what the Veterans suffered, when they hit country. You know right after, these are all just my theories. You know, right after the virus was working its way through the system, you know through their systems, they went through the chills, and the fevers, and the headaches, and the anger, and you know that’s I’m sure part PTSD, and maybe I’m wrong. But, I think it can be a sign of neurological damage, as well. And, I think that’s what the virus ends up doing, is affecting them neurologically. Well, a lot of these kids, the Gulf War babies are neurologically damaged, most of them, are, with different random, different diagnoses. Bryson had like fifteen different diagnoses, none of them really quite fit him. But they're close enough for him to get services, and that’s really all I care about.

I made it through two sessions, and then I started having panic attacks. I started not going, I would cancel every session I made. And she, made sessions, you know, three months in advance. And I’d look at my calendar and go, ah. And I just, I couldn’t do it, prolonged exposure. I don’t think that works real well for sexual trauma. I had buried that stuff, really deep. And, it was okay there. I didn’t mind it being there. You know but when I brought it to the forefront, I started having nightmares, I was you know screaming in my sleep, and I was panic, I’ve never had a panic attack in my life, I thought I was dying. I didn’t realize panic attacks were like that. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was, it was ridiculous. Thank God my wife, you know had seen panic attacks before, and she calmed me down, and she said, you need to stop going to this. I had an appointment, in an hour, and the thought of going there, and talking about it, one more time, five more times, six more times. I just couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t do it. So prolonged exposure is not a great, it did not work well for me.

And I don’t know that, I know that they’ve had some good results with that on combat trauma. I don’t think they’ve had a whole lot of good results on sexual trauma, though. I mean, I did some research afterwards and it’s not really a great therapy for that. For me. Well, therapy’s not a good thing for me anyway. Although tapping worked really well. I came out of that using tapping. Have you ever heard of tapping? No? It’s where you start out, let’s see, here, and you say your mantra or whatever it is you want. 

The VA’s actually started looking into using tapping. But I went to a woman down on, off of [ROAD NAME]. And she did it for free, but just for Veterans, she wanted to see if she could help them with their PTSD, and that sort of thing. And she did, I saw her for eight sessions, hour sessions. And we did tapping on that, we did a little age regression stuff, you know just kind of some fun stuff. And, it helped more than prolonged therapy did, or prolonged exposure.

You know what works for fibromyalgia for me, is the hot tub. I think that’s what we were talking about, is the hot tub. That helps with my fibromyalgia way more than any medication I’ve ever taken. And on my bad days, I will go straight from the bed, to the hot tub. And I’ll sit in there for an hour, in you know 100 degrees. And in the cold, cold winter I’ll use the sauna, do the same thing. And those things help better to, maybe it’s just to get the circulation going in the muscles or something. But, I can barely climb in, but I can climb out. So, that’s what, you know and the pain doesn’t, my muscles get sore but they don’t get painful. And that’s what I’m trying to ignore, or, trying to avoid.