Toby
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Toby was in the Army Reserves when he served in the Gulf War. He was a combat Engineer and described horrible combat experiences of seeing dead bodies and dealing with death around him. He was exposed to ammunition, burning oil fields, and burning military equipment. He describes a disturbing experience where he had to drive one of the Army Generals down “a highway of death” to see the advancing ground war. “So, I drove, and we went there. Man, there were bodies, body pieces everywhere, it was… I was like why? Why? Why? Why does this man want to see this? But you know, follow orders, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Soon after returning home, Toby started experiencing symptoms of PTSD, irritable bowel syndrome, gastric reflux and acid reflux, migraines, and severe depression and anxiety. His chronic stomach and irritable bowel symptoms have kept him from working full-time. He has had other difficult life situations with his father (who served in Vietnam) and his ex-wife, and he experienced homelessness and was unable to find steady work due to his health problems. He has since remarried and has been navigating his illness, but he has difficulty in daily living: “I can’t hold a job. I pretty much can’t function outside of my house. I can, but with a great deal of difficulty.”
He has not received formal diagnosis for Gulf War Illness, but his doctor at the VA believes it is connected to his time in the Gulf War. He is on disability through the VA and, at the time of his interview, did not work. He had a bad experience with a VA doctor breaking up a Gulf War Veteran group at the VA. He has come back to the VA and says he has “great doctors at the VA.”
Toby’s greatest support is his wife. He quit drinking alcohol and stopped using illicit drugs when they met. She helps him maintain a healthy lifestyle and diet and accompanies him to his VA appointments. “I think the most positive aspect of me talking has to be… just… don’t give up, never surrender. Never give up.”
Toby understands the importance of support and connection.
Toby understands the importance of support and connection.
And, it’s important to have—when you deal with the things that, that we deal with, I mean everybody for that case, but for soldiers, Veterans, sailors, marines, whatever you wanna call them. It’s important to have that support. The support that you need. It’s important to have someone in your corner that gives a damn about you. And doesn’t want anything else in the world. Doesn’t want monetary, or any type of, what would you call it, return. Monetary or material return for what they help you with. The only return that they want to see is you be a better person. Be the person you’re supposed to be. And if you don’t have that, you know, I know people that just eat the end of a barrel because of it. Because they don’t have that.
Toby suffers from incontinence that keeps him from leaving the house.
Toby suffers from incontinence that keeps him from leaving the house.
Toby: Ok, stomach, I would say it was brought on about a year after. I had noticed it was bad, but I didn’t know how bad. And it just manifested itself about a year after or so, afterwards. And it’ gotten progressively worse over the years. To the point where I have incontinence, a lot of accidents. and it’s really, it could be debilitating or incapacitating, if you want to call it that. Because sometimes I just cant go anywhere, I have to stay home, you know?
Interviewer: Toby can you tell me more about the stomach symptoms, you mentioned incontinence and I’m wondering if there are other symptoms along with it, like pain or discomfort or cramping?
Toby: Yes cramping. Cramping. Nausea. A lot of nausea. I can not eat anything, not have anything in my stomach and I can still have nausea and cramping. Like right now. My stomach hurts. Lots of gas, I live with gas. They call me ‘Fartacus’, that’s my nickname here at the house. ‘Fartacus’, you know like the Spartacus.
It's clear to Toby that chemicals contributed to illness.
It's clear to Toby that chemicals contributed to illness.
Migraines were pretty much… boom, we got hit with chemicals. Doesn’t matter what the government says, I don’t care what they say, I know we got hit with chemicals.