Joseph

It’s not an illusion. It’s not a figment of my imagination or all the other Veterans, complaining of the same symptoms, the same things. It’s not going to go away. It’s going to get worse. It’s getting worse. How are—come up with a plan to help us get through it, would be my statement to you. You know you have your core group, something—don’t know what, don’t care what it is—something was done. How are you going to help us, get us through? I know it’s not going to happen tomorrow. But show us improvement. Because right now, VA—I don’t mean you guys—the VA has done nothing. They barely acknowledged.

Is there a reason I’m getting these headaches? What’s the symptoms? Well, we don’t know. Well, I’ll tell you, but you don’t want to listen to me. You know, do we have another Agent Orange here, thing going on? What the hell? But they just don’t want to acknowledge something is screwed up? Someone screwed up. You know? If they didn’t diagnose me with that, why did they even diagnose me with it, is my question. Now that they don’t want—they diagnosed me with it, now they don’t want to treat it. What’s going on? There’s a hell of a jump there. Why even say it?

You know, we’ve been told to keep going. Keep trying. That no matter how hard they knock you down, get back up. That’s about it. You know, but we’ve been told that and it’s been drilled into our heads so much that that’s a common—it’s going to happen. You know, we are getting older, so yeah. If they ask, come in and tell them. If the VA asks. That’s about it. It's not him or hers fault. You know? It’s not him or hers fault.

After they gave us the pills for anthrax, I had pus coming out of my armpits. Yeah, something—yeah. And that was from the pills. They didn’t tell us what it was. They just lined us up. Here, take these pills. Didn’t give us a choice. It was ordered. You take them pills. Didn’t see no officers or anybody else do it, higher up the chains, but I don’t appreciate being a guinea pig. That’s the first time I noticed something wrong—was seriously wrong. We all had fevers. We were all sick. All our lymph nodes and everything was puffed up. Yet they kept giving us the pills. That’s the first time I noticed something was wrong. By then, it was already—started getting headaches. For some reason they gave us blood thickener. I’m thinking—Okay, we hit the beaches, we’re not going to bleed so bad. That didn’t work out too well. Then they had to turn around and give us blood thinner. Well, go figure. Yeah. Idiots. Then I sat there for months on end outside in the Persian Gulf while the buildup was going on. And all this time, they were giving us pills, shots, you know, because supposedly he had anthrax and all that other chemical warfare stuff. And yeah, the alarms went off. We were told—Ah, it’s bad batteries. Just shut them off, take the batteries out. Okay. 

Yeah, we were on land and the Patriots fired and we had scuds coming in. Alarms would go off. We were told to ignore it. Okay, maybe two or three hours after the alarm went off, we were told to get in the MOPP suit. Then we’d wear the MOPP suit for three days. Okay. What’s what’s—you know, you’re about two hours too late here. What’s going on? Oh, just ignore it. I drove down the Highway of Death in a MOPP suit. You ever hear of the Highway of Death? Yeah, I was there. You know, be sitting out in the middle of the Kuwaiti desert, and the alarms would go off. Fire—oil fires? It would be 12 o’clock in the afternoon and you could swear it was twelve-thirty, one-thirty in the morning. Pitch black. All the time. Days on end. Our skin was just covered in that soot. And we were breathing it. 

After they gave us the pills for anthrax, I had pus coming out of my armpits. Yeah, something—yeah. And that was from the pills. They didn’t tell us what it was. They just lined us up. Here, take these pills. Didn’t give us a choice. It was ordered. You take them pills. Didn’t see no officers or anybody else do it, higher up the chains, but… I don’t appreciate being a guinea pig. That’s the first time I noticed something wrong—was seriously wrong. We all had fevers. We were all sick. All our lymph nodes and everything was puffed up. Yet they kept giving us the pills. That’s the first time I noticed something was wrong. 

Participant: Never had no problems. I contribute a lot of that to them pills that they made us take pills and shots. And they wouldn’t tell us what they were for. They just said line up and take them. 

Interviewer: Did you have any type of immunizations or pills prior to your other deployments? 

Participant: No. Not pills like that. Not in that—if I remember right, it was set in three increments that we had to take the pills for anthrax. And they told us. They did tell us that. It’s anthrax treatment. Well, okay. Does this mean we can walk in an anthrax environment? No, it will just mean you can work 15 minutes more. Really? What’s the MOPP suit for, then? But before the—like my deployments to Gitmo, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. No. I had the regular immunization shots. You know, tetanus and whatnot. But now you look in my medical book and I bet you it’s not in there.

Joseph: I signed up for vocational rehab. Body aches, everything going on. Still going to the VA. They were just giving me pills. More pills. You know, kind of a—Well, here. Don’t know what this is, but take it. See what happens.

Interviewer: And what happened?

Joseph: Well, I got tired of taking pills, is what I got tired of. You’re not treating—you’re not trying to fix the problem. You’re trying to—to me, pills mask it. They don’t treat it. They mask the pain. Yeah, you take it away for a few hours, but it’s still there. Why is it still there? Why does my back still hurt? Why does—my shoulder’s burning right now? Why are my joints sore? My grip is getting—my grip is not as strong. I can’t squat down and stand up without assistance. I’m only 54. Well, we don’t see nothing wrong with it. Well, why does it hurt? Well, take this pill. I don’t want any more pills. Unless they’ve got a cure pill. I’ll take that.