Erin
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In 2003 Erin joined the Marine Corps. “I wanted to go to college. And after my freshman year, I came back, and I said, ‘I need something else.’… I deployed in 2005. One thing I will say, especially for a Reservist, the tough thing is go back to normal life. We're not surrounded by people that were over there with us. And it can be really difficult reconnecting with your family that don't understand. I will say especially as a woman, you've just come from this very intense, scary environment…And then you come back to the real world, and you're so confused, and so lost. It was very difficult to readjust.”
In 2011, Erin was a victim of an attempted murder-suicide. Her ex-husband, also a Marine, was experiencing PTSD and his behavior was escalating. Before killing himself, he shot Erin twice, resulting in multiple injuries including a permanent spinal cord injury. For Erin, “It was a huge, huge shift in my life. Someone who played sports, was in the Marine Corps, did amateur figure competitions, and then CrossFit. It was a big shift in my life...being in a wheelchair, learning how inaccessible the world is. I was in the hospital for seven weeks. I had a lot of complications.”
[Participant’s] injury had a significant impact on the lives of her friends and family. She recalls “My family, my friends, everyone in my life were highly impacted. I'm very close to both my parents. It led to my mom retiring from a place where she loved much earlier than she anticipated. Because I just needed so much care. And my dad, he and I have also been very close. But it shifted and shaped the person that he is now.” Her friends have also been very supportive. “They never treated me like I was different. They were wonderful…Some of us have been friends since we were 12 years old. And so it was devastating for all of them.”
For Erin, getting connected with mental health support and continuing to engage in therapy has been an important aspect of her recovery. She’s “met an incredible community of people, being around other people who were paralyzed who are the most ridiculous group of humans you'll ever meet. ”
Erin is now back at work and reflects on how “It's one of those situations, you can be miserable about it, and people won't, don't want to be a part of your life.” Or, “you can accept that this is the way it is and move forward. And that, that's what I've done…obviously, I have ongoing health issues with, just by the nature of having a spinal cord injury. But other than that, I live a pretty full and great life. Trauma doesn't define you if you don't let it. I'm always happy to share my story in any way I can to, hopefully, have a positive impact on whoever hears it.
Erin was the victim of an attempted murder-suicide by her estranged husband.
Erin was the victim of an attempted murder-suicide by her estranged husband.
I met my ex-husband while we were both deployed. He was an EOD tech, so Hurt Locker guy. That's what he did. So, yes, we met over there. And we came home in September. He got deployed again in January or February. And we were engaged before he left. We didn't really know each other in the real-world situation, really, in any way.
And after he got back, he decided to get out of the Marine Corps. And it was a complete shift. He hadn't ever functioned in civilian life. He joined when he was 18 years old. And he went to go on to be a police officer. So, it was, it was big, major shifts for him.
And I think he, I think had he stayed in the Marine Corps, it might have worked out differently for him. I think he needed the structure, and he needed the adrenaline of getting deployed and disarming bombs. The civilian life was, it just really wasn't for him.
It was September 24, 2011. I was a victim in attempted murder-suicide. It was my ex-husband; we were both Marines. There was a lot of escalating behaviors that led up to that point. But most importantly, so essentially, around two o'clock in the morning, he shot me twice, and then he killed himself. And luckily, my mom was down visiting, and she was able to help stabilize me until the paramedics came.
But as a result, I have a spinal cord injury, so T2 complete. And there were a lot of other initial injuries. One bullet went in my carotid artery, and then that pierced, collapsed my lung. And then it hit a vertebra that went into my spinal cord that caused the spinal cord injury. And then the second bullet went in through my mouth and out through my jaw. So, I was a hot mess. My face looked crazy; I was missing a bunch of teeth. And I was paralyzed. So, it was a huge, huge shift in my life.
Erin recalls that it “was a huge shift being in a wheelchair, learning how inaccessible the world is.”
Erin recalls that it “was a huge shift being in a wheelchair, learning how inaccessible the world is.”
Around two o'clock in the morning, he shot me twice, and then he killed himself. And luckily, my mom was down visiting, and she was able to help stabilize me until the paramedics came. But as a result, I have a spinal cord injury, so T2 complete. And there were a lot of other initial injuries. One bullet went in my carotid artery, and then that pierced, collapsed my lung. And then it hit a vertebra that went into my spinal cord that caused the spinal cord injury. And then the second bullet went in through my mouth and out through my jaw. So, I was a hot mess. My face looked crazy; I was missing a bunch of teeth. And I was paralyzed.
It was a huge, huge shift in my life. Someone who played sports, was in the Marine Corps, did amateur figure competitions, and then CrossFit. It was a big shift in my life. It took, I was in the hospital for seven weeks. I had a lot of complications. Essentially, the first year, I was in and out of the hospital for pulmonary emboli and multiple surgeries.
I'm a T2, which essentially, my injury level is here. But I still mostly have used my hands. I have some nerve damage in the left hand. But some people are in much better shape, and then other people are in more serious situations, and they recognize that, and so you start therapy then. And they started – they give you a whole host of drugs in the hospital. And part of it is, I was on Valium for – it was all in their prescription programming. And so, when I went to…. Obviously, I was struggling. I think that I was in such shock, and I was so sick for so long afterwards, I had so many complications. That by the time I got there, and I was finally feeling better, I had to start recognizing the trauma and work through it. It was tough. It was very difficult. They put me on prescription meds which were helpful in some cases. Whenever I felt like the dose was too high, I felt like a zombie. But I was able to work through that.
I was back at work within two years. It was a huge shift, obviously, being in a wheelchair, learning how inaccessible the world is. But it, I was taking my experience. It's one of those situations, you can be miserable about it, and people won't, don't want to be a part of your life or you can accept that this is the way it is, and move forward. And, you know, that's what I've done.
Erin talks about relying on multiple sources of support, including therapy, her partner, and a community of others who are also paralyzed.
Erin talks about relying on multiple sources of support, including therapy, her partner, and a community of others who are also paralyzed.
I would say in some instances I had to act like I was better than I was, well, better than I felt to make sure everybody else felt comfortable. Because as soon as I would, I went to the dark side, everybody, kind of, started to drown with me. There were definitely times of that. And they, I mean, it impacted. My partner and I dated a little bit prior to my injury. But after my injury, I mean, he's, he stuck by me and very much had to be a caregiver.
Whereas, and now, it's completely shifted. I do as much on my own. But it's, we've had to work through all of it. But I do know, I mean, obviously I have a good one. But if times get hard, I know that he's going to stick around. So, everybody in my life has been really, really wonderful.
And I've met an incredible community of people through the Reeve Foundation, through being around other people who were paralyzed, who are the most ridiculous group of humans you'll ever meet. So, I, as awful and traumatizing as it was, and I've have had, both myself and my mother have had extensive therapy. We're all in a good place now.
When I went to the Shepherd Center, part of your program there is you have to go to therapy. They recognize there that people are, have a fundamental shift in their existence. And then after I came home, I had a therapist that I'd been working with previously, prior to all this happening. And I called her up, and rolled in there, and said, "I'm back." And she's, like, "Are we going to talk about this?"
And I've seen her on and off since probably 2012 or '13. I don't see her as much anymore. And we constantly check in. And I have, you know, it's every time I have a trigger or if something happens or I have a weird dream, she's able to talk me through it. And so, I really feel like with trauma, the more you talk about it the less impact it has on you.
Erin says to “just love them through it.”
Erin says to “just love them through it.”
Just love them through it and recognize that whatever happens, it's a traumatic event. And sometimes you have to give them the tough love. It's not always cuddles and that sort of thing. But to love them through it, and for them especially to get help, in coping with that event. As I said before, caregiver fatigue is real. Everybody around, impacted by the situation, needs to get as much help as they need.
Erin reflects on the importance of providers spending adequate time with their patients.
Erin reflects on the importance of providers spending adequate time with their patients.
So, providers, I've had the gamut. I've had amazing, incredible doctors. I've had--right after I was injured, I had doctors say to me, "If I was in your situation, I don't think I could do it. I don't think I would make it," which is not very helpful in that situation, especially when you're still in the trauma phase.
It's unfortunate, the healthcare system makes doctors have to run patients through. However, if they have the time to get to know their patients, and recognize, and listen, the most important thing is that they actually listen rather than just checking boxes, I think it's better for everyone else because the fantastic doctors I've had in my life have exponentially increased my quality of life and longevity of my life.