Mike

I do have some Veteran friends that have PTSD, and the way we relate to each other is we go to Calibers and we shoot, and that's our… you know, we'll go for coffee because, obviously, I don't hang around people that are big drinkers or anything. But we might go for, grab a cup of coffee, or breakfast, and then we go shoot. And that's our, where other people might go to a movie together, that's how we relate. And that's, kind of--and it's not that we don't talk about things when we're together because we do, but that's the basis of us getting together.  

And today being sober as long as I've been, I do have to say, I am very blessed with the wonderful support system that many, many Veterans don't have. And I am very blessed to have the support system that I have. And it's nice to know that I can pick up the phone and go, "Hey, so-and-so, you want to get together Saturday, and hang, and…" And sometimes we have that competitive thing going, and sometimes we do it just to hang. So, it's nice to have that with certain friends.  

And then I'm around other people that totally don't understand firearms, they're like, "Well, you've been suicidal so you shouldn't even own 'em." Well, it's not their choice to make, so. I'm safe with mine and I have a plan if I ever become suicidal again. So those friends, I do other things with.

I think I've had a couple of neighbors after I moved into this house, I, they found out I was a Marine Corps Veteran. And I had one young gal, she maybe was 20, and she said, "Yeah you know how to fire a gun, right?" I said, "Yes and I own two." And she said, "Good, I feel safer living next to you." And I gave her my number. I said, "If you have any issues, you just let me know." I don't have a problem protecting you, too, if the situation ever called for it.

I don't. I do get some, I think, sometimes people think that anybody that's a gun owner is, like, a total NRA right to bear fanatic, blah-blah-blah. I'm not, and I've had people, kind of, treat me that way, and that's not my identity. But I think that some people get that in their head. I think I'm just a responsible gun owner that likes to enjoy shooting sometimes and spending time with friends.

So, I have friends that are Veterans that have firearms, and like I said, I have two firearms. I, personally, my firearms, I have two handguns. They have, the ammunition is not right close to them. My firearms are in a gun safe, and they stay in the safe unless I’m gonna’ take them somewhere to shoot. I do believe that safety is paramount to people having firearms, whether we’re Veterans or not.

So, it has been, the culture has been my life for a long time. I’m not gonna’ get rid of firearms, but I do very much believe that safety is needed for those of us that choose to own firearms.

So, the VA can very much have resources on hand that if the Veteran needs it, say, "Here, this is a resource, get yourself a refresher course on how to be safe with that firearm," and have them, have those resources just as available as the suicide resources. Because I think that, like me, I tend to think suicide when you ask the question as opposed to somebody having an accidental discharge with the weapon. Because that's what Veterans deal with more is suicide. We don't think about the other stuff so I think that the resources need to be just as readily available.

That’s one thing I really appreciate. I don't know if all VAs do it, but I do know the VA here is very big on, if any Veteran walked in, and said, "I need a gun lock," I don't care if it's a behavioral health clinic or the women's clinic or the dental clinic, they're going to hand you a gun lock. And they're going to say, "Do you only need one? Because you can have ten.” So I am, I hope all VAs do that, but I'm very proud of the VA for providing that for Veterans.

Maybe if those questions were asked by somebody that, like, a nurse or a tech in the office that the Veteran interacts with more; and would be more prone to be more open with than the actual PCP? I know some Veterans that would feel more comfortable with somebody they interact with more. And I think for, there are other Veterans that would appreciate having that conversation with somebody that they know is not anti-firearm. Like a, have a – I don't know if you really need to have a job in the VA, but maybe volunteers. I don't know exactly how that would be set up; I'd have to think about that. But I know some Veterans would find that an easier conversation with somebody. I think that the PCP, you just don't talk to 'em. What, 15 minutes every six months to a year? Yeah, I can see where a lot of Veterans are very uncomfortable with that. 

I think the number one thing I would tell somebody is, "You're not alone." I know for me when I've gone through different things in my life, I felt like I was the only one. And for that person to know that they're not the only one and there is somebody there. I think the number one statement is, "You are not alone." Right off the bat. I think a lot of times, and in talking from my own life, a lot of what people need is just somebody to listen, and somebody to not judge. And platitudes don't work with people going through trauma. They don't need to hear those little one-liners. They don't work, they don't help. They're bullshit.

I think that's harder because they're also going through their own type of trauma related to it. So that is a more difficult one. I think, really, the best that a family member can do is to be there and to listen. And to say, I think whether it be your provider or family, whoever, somebody that's strong enough to say, "You know what? I don't have the answers, but let's go find them. I don't know; I'm sorry for what you went through. I don't have all the answers, and I might not have any of 'em. Let's go find 'em. But if you want to just talk about it, let's talk.”  

I think the VA really lacks, sometimes in a big way, cultural sensitivity. I think the VA really needs to get on board with being a lot more culturally sensitive. Providers just really need to be aware that Veterans are not going to give up their firearms, and it might not be for the reasons they think. They might not realize that, like, you have, that that's a peaceful thing for us to go shut out the world for an hour.