Tony
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When Tony was ten years old his father bought him his first toy gun. “It looked real back in the day. Back in the late sixties and the seventies the gun was looking absolutely real. One day we were riding in the car and I pointed the gun over at the man in the other car. My mama beat my butt. She told my dad, I remember this distinctly, she said, ‘do not buy him any more guns.’ My father never bought me any more guns after that.”
Although he wasn’t allowed any more toy guns, Tony had exposure to a real firearm that his father kept in his bedroom. “When he used to go to work, I used to go in there and grab the shotgun and play with it. I never fired it though.” As a teenager, Tony enlisted in the national guard. “That is when I started really learning about weapons.” Home from basic training, he started using drugs, beginning a long road of addiction that he continued to struggle with through his career as a guardsman, including tours in Iraq and Kuwait. When he returned from Iraq in 2008, Tony struggled to reintegrate into society. “I was scared of everything...I was paranoid of people.” He began carrying a shotgun in his car.
One evening, while using drugs, Tony “started hearing stuff. I started hearing voices. I thought somebody was coming in my mother’s house, so I reached in the front closet and got the shotgun. I set it down on my foot. I forgot the safety was off. I leaned to the right, boom. I shot my toe off.”
The incident and recovery were traumatic for Tony. “I was afraid of guns for a minute. I did not want to touch a shotgun. I did not want to touch anything. I had to go through therapy. I had to go through pain. My walking was off for a while. My balance was off because I shot my big toe. I kind of laughed at myself because I was in the military for 25 years and never had a misfire. Never. When it came to guns, my whole life changed.” Although he still keeps a small firearm in his home for protection, “I do not play with guns.”
Tony talks about finding the irony in his experience.
Tony talks about finding the irony in his experience.
What helped me get through is, one thing is, I knew I was a fool for letting it happen. I had to laugh along with it. It’s not saying that it was funny, but after I thought about it, like I had told you before, I did 25 years and four months in the military. I never had a misfired weapon. The irony of it, I think that’s the right word. The irony of it is I did that time. Then I got out in 2013. June 30th was my last day in the military. Anyway, I shot my freaking toe off. That is not too far out. Do you know what I mean? If it was ’13, it happened a little bit less than two years later, you know? I mean, I am supposed to know how to use a weapon. My friends talked about me. It made me feel bad at first. You know? Then I had to listen to it because you cannot stop anybody from saying what they want to say. You cannot beat anybody up because they are going to tease you.
After Tony shot himself in the toe, he “didn’t mess with any gun for a while.”
After Tony shot himself in the toe, he “didn’t mess with any gun for a while.”
What happened was, the night I shot my toe with that shotgun, I took that shotgun with my right arm and I threw it across the floor. It slid on over there. It still had seven shells in it. I said, “I am not messing with any guns anymore.” That shotgun – that particular one that I got myself in trouble with my wife, I shot my toe off, was carrying in the streets, and made sure nobody did not bother me. After I shot my toe off with it, I didn’t mess with any gun for a while. It was a while before I got another shotgun. Then when I did get one, it didn’t even work. I bought it. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t too long after that happened that I picked up another shotgun. It was in my family. That is right. It was in my family, and it did not even work. I had to put it in the shop to make it work. It only shoots three times. You know, have you ever heard of skeet shooting? Yeah, that’s what it was. I bought a skeet shooter. It only shoots three shots, but it is an automatic. It’s heavy as hell. It’s back there in the closet. I don’t pull it out. I’ve got machetes back there. I’ve got one, two, three – three rifles and two pistols. I don’t have a carry permit for any of them, so I don’t carry them in the street. I mean I will if I have to, but I don’t have to because I don’t get myself in those predicaments or those situations. After I shot my toe off, I didn’t want to be bothered with a gun anymore, especially that one. That gun got me in so much trouble.
Tony remembers an incident when his father used their shotgun to scare off some unruly people.
Tony remembers an incident when his father used their shotgun to scare off some unruly people.
My father had a shotgun in the house. The neighborhood we lived in, you know it was not bad back in the late sixties and early seventies. Things started getting worse in the seventies, though. Anyway, one day he had to come out and use it because some guys across the street threw a basketball through our window. My father would not let them do what they wanted to do. You know? He lit the sky up with it. That is when I really got introduced to it. When he used to go to work, I used to go in there and grab a shotgun and play with it. I never fired it though. I never fired it. I learned how to work it just messing around in the bedroom.
Tony recalls how his experience in combat changed him and made him fearful when he returned home.
Tony recalls how his experience in combat changed him and made him fearful when he returned home.
When I came back from Iraq the first time, things never got better. You know? Things never got better. When I came back from Iraq, I was riding around with my shotgun on my seat. You know? I was afraid. There in Iraq I knew who my enemy was. I knew they were out there. I was expecting it, or I knew it could come. When I got back here, living in the hood and living in the urban city where there is crime everywhere, I didn’t know what to expect. I was afraid. I was ready to hurt somebody if I had to, and it wouldn’t have mattered if I would have went to prison or jail. Even though if I would have went, I probably would have been crying like a baby because I didn’t want to go. At that time when I got back, you know, things in my life were different. When you go to combat, you change. You know?
Tony thinks that firearm safety devices are important for general safety and for suicide prevention.
Tony thinks that firearm safety devices are important for general safety and for suicide prevention.
Yes. Yes, 100%. Yes I do. Cable locks. I do not know about the other one you said. A cable lock on there or a case, having your weapons in a case, yes, I feel like it would be a good thing for anybody to have. It is not just veterans. See, where I live, the last three months, has it been two children or three people the last four months dead? They killed themselves. They killed themselves with their parent’s guns. Look it up on the news and you will see it. I believe everybody should have their shit locked up, yeah. I do not have mine locked up. True enough. True enough I do not. I am not going to sit here and call the kettle black if that is how you say it. My words get mixed up. We do not have any children here in the house. When they come, I make sure the door is locked and my bedroom door is shut every single time they are here. I believe everybody ought to have their weapons locked up.