People Who Provided Support

Having a strong support system is definitely, I’m gonna say that’s definitely been helpful. Especially people who are accountable, people who aren’t afraid to hold back and tell me exactly what they’re thinking even if they know it’s going to piss me off, because it’s happened more time than not. I do feel like my ex-husband at times would baby me a little bit and I think once I started getting better it almost scared him and my family because I would go out and want to do things more. And I think a lot of people had that really frail person in their head. But having those people who weren’t afraid to tell me, to check me, and tell me like you’re not capable of doing this or you’re laying in the bed get your ass up like what are you doing. That was really important for me.

Talk to my wife. That’s the number one biggest one. Cause honestly without her I don’t know where I’d be today, I really don’t. I mean, not just for the TBI, for the PTSD, and the whole nine yards. She’s my number one pillar of support. And as much as it just drives me crazy that she reminds me of everything all the time, even if I already remember it myself, it’s necessary, you know, I need it. I text her while I’m at work, like the conversation with Smith, I’ll get to where I’m going, if I remember the conversation I’ll text it to her. Smith, tomorrow at two o’clock, bring this and that. You know, received. And then I can reference my text messages later. I can, she can remind me later. I’m trying to get her to the point where she is starting to schedule for me because I’m trying to unsuccessfully run my own handy man business as well as being an AC technician.

Luckily, I have good friends and neighbors and family that kind of all are aware of me in one way or another. They don’t know all my stories, but they’re aware of who I am and they help me. They’re good people.

I: How, how have they helped you?

Well, you know, like my friend Mark and his, his TBI issues. You know, he’s always trying to help me remember things; I’m always trying to help him remember things. We borrow each other’s brain, for what it’s worth. And so that kind of helps, just having your friends there. You know they, “I know what you’re going through. By the way, I remembered that you were supposed to do this thing. Did you do it?”

I make people give me very specific directions or instructions to go places. And I had a phenomenal brother-in-law. That guy could write directions backwards and forwards in New York City - all of the boroughs, even going out of the city. And he would write me these maps. I – he’d just give me one day to get it together and then I’ll give it back to him the next. So, I’d tell him I’ve got to go - I had to go to Fishkill - which is upstate in New York a little bit. Over some presidential bridge, I don’t know. Anyway, but Joey just wrote it all out. The name of the road, what, where I had to turn, what exit I had to take, what the numbers were - all the way up to Fishkill and then all the way back. And it’s different roads and different exits and he – perfect. And I said, “I’m going to use you while we’re here.” You know, and it was just getting around Brooklyn sometimes. But I’d just called Joey and tell him and he’d say, “This, this, this,” you know, and drop it off to me. And it was wonderful, you know, the assistance I’ve had.

No, no. Well, I take it back. My father, my father. But, and – okay, my father, my father went to tenth grade. In the Army he finished, he finished high school and two years of college. But, he went to tenth grade before he joined. And he was so smart. And, and we would discuss things. You know and I, like in my classes. I mean we would write and ask questions and he’d bring back with questions. And he really helped me learn.

My parents live here in town, and I have a younger sister whose husband is in the Air Force up at Dyess. My dad is very old school when it comes to, you used to be able to talk about those things, very disappointed that I got out before my contract was over. We didn’t speak for probably about two years after I got out, knew when my homecoming was, did not show up.  There was nobody there when I got back. I think that my dad’s starting to understand a little bit more now that I’ve been back in town for a while, cause up until now, I mean, we’ve always lived somewhere else. Like we visited, but there’s never been an extended period of time. But he, I don’t think will every verbally validate any of it out loud. It’s just not his personality. My mom, much more understanding but has to walk the fine line between me and my dad, so it’s a very strained relationship. And there’s six and a half years between me and my sister. She was a teenager when I was in Iraq, so her ability to really grasp or understand it is limited at best.

So he, he had similar experiences. He deployed and was in infantry and whatnot, just in a different area at a different time – so that’s really nice to have, you know. As time goes on I try not to, you know you want to keep those experiences close but you don’t want to keep going back to them, you don’t want to keep relying on them, so sometimes you get together with those folks, you know, your inclination is to talk about things that are familiar to both of you, but you know we also have other interests outside that - so it’s, it’s, it’s easier sometimes to try and focus on that stuff and not keep going back. But I do stuff like I, I have an annual golf tournament that I go - I golf one time a year - it’s at this tournament and I see a lot of the same people and similar experiences and stuff so.

I don’t know. I, being in this office environment has been great. Although for somebody who avoids counseling, it’s ironic that I’ve thrown myself into an office where everybody has a clinical background. Because they will regularly, our, our case manager was a little like “Hey, how are you doing? Like, you look a little stressed.” “Like, I don’t have time for counseling right now. I have to get this done. Maybe later!” So that’s been - but there again, that’s, it’s such a rare environment here. Like, I wish there were more work environments like this for Vets. Just to be able to work around, and for other Vets, doing something that they feel like is then…purpose. 

Strangers. Yes, it’s hard when you don’t, you can’t express yourself or they don’t understand you. They just kind of don’t want to deal with you. But I guess a lot of strangers, going through same, similar situations, or they having experienced this stuff, going down that path, you know, struggling and then isolation and being down and out, you know, so they can relate. And, then it’s just to communicate it with somebody. And well like I said, that these people here, in this program where I’m at, I struggle with it, that lady instructor there but, you know I don’t look at the differences. The information that she’s putting out, I don’t have to agree with everything but, you know, I keep an open mind and I try to grasp what I think is best for me and not dwell on arguing or defending or disagreeing.