Public Perceptions – & Misperceptions - of Veterans

With my friends I’m comfortable with it. I mean, depending on the ring of closeness that they are that they’re in, is how much I let out, but I mean I feel comfortable with most of them explaining most of the details. But for people that I don’t know, I feel very uncomfortable disclosing it because I think there’s a misconception in the public about returning Veterans and mental health and brain injuries and PTSD. There’s a good comic that I really like. It’s a three-box comic, and the first box is the news reports, like, “Today an Iraqi war Veteran shot and killed three people and then himself.” And then the next one is like what the average civilian hears, “Oh my gosh, he had PTSD. He’s crazy. He just went out and blah, blah, blah.” And then the last box is what a Veteran hears or thinks, and it’s like, “Some dude just went and killed a bunch of people and then himself. He was probably already an asshole.” So yes, I do not feel very comfortable disclosing it because of what people even if they don’t say anything will judge you.

That was like, talking about Vietnam was like, ooh, yeah well if you talk about it, the comments that would come back would be so hurtful, and so disrespectful, that I got tired of being hurt by that, you know. Absolutely. You know I remember once I was at kind of a dinner party thing in Philadelphia. I was there at a professional conference and the conversation at the dinner table turned to the Vietnam War. This would have been in late 70s, before this all started. And, you know, a group of the people there started talking about, “geez, these Vietnam Veterans just whine, they’re such babies. They’re babies”. And I remember leaning over my salad, I leaned over my salad so deeply because I started to cry and I didn’t want them to see that. And I remember my tears collected on the inside of my glasses. So those are the kinds of things. Or you might mention it, “what a stupid thing to do. Why did you do that?” Or, another comment, that I heard a couple of times was “wow, lots of men.” Oh, that just used to, makes me angry just talking about it, because I was not, yeah lots of men died, assholes. But, so it was not a popular, it wasn’t a conversational topic. No, Vietnam was not, I learned really quickly, keep my mouth shut.

That’s a misconception among Veterans, and that’s what kind of worries me about labeling myself a Veteran when I go for employment because I feel - in my opinion - that some employers will think that they have to make reasonable accommodations and they’ll find any way to disqualify you from employment. Luckily that wasn’t the case here because it’s a Veteran friendly organization. Veterans work for Veterans. All about the peer mentorship. But I know those that don’t understand Veterans don’t look at it that way because I’ve talked to employers, I’ve talked to friends that I have, and their friends. They kind of view us in the sense that some of us are psychotic. Total misconception. I think they just need to educate themselves better regarding Veterans issues.

I: What would you want to say or have people know about Veterans?

Well I mean a Veteran’s a Veteran. There are different types of Veterans, and there are MLS’s within that realm, that just because they’ve experienced combat doesn’t mean that they’re psychotic. It just means that they were, even at a young, I mean it’s the young kids that fight and win the wars. Like myself, I, my two deployments were when I was 19 and 20 years old, I was able to lead Marines in combat. And that helps establish leadership. You’re going to get qualities from a young kid that’s straight out of the military than a college graduate. You’re going to get that practical experience that I think that’s what employers need to hire. And if they notice that they have a young Veteran that’s having issues, don’t be afraid to talk them about it. Because then they’re showing that you’re going to be an outlet for them, and a support system goes a long way.

You know, don’t, you know, kicking us to the curb. That’s also why the homeless rate is so much higher for, for veterans is a lot of guys don’t know how to handle it and they break down. They lose everything. And so, it’s, they just don’t, they don’t know how to come back to, when, we’re, you know we’re always going to be different in society. We’re not going to ever, we’re not going to go with the grain as, as far as, as many as other people will. And as far as, as far as, how we do things, we, we kind of walk to the beat of a different drum, I guess. But, you know, we still are of value. And, for other veterans too, that are out there, like, definitely, definitely being able to meet up with them, with other, with other people, just being able to meet up with other vets. I mean, I can pass somebody on the street who’s, you know, was in 30, 40 years before I was and I can still have a, a connection, a friendly conversation with somebody. It’s just kind of an understanding, that you know, “Hey been, you’ve been through the suck”, you know, and, and you know, you might have gone forward and, and done some, you know, been part of something grand or something that was really kind of horrible, you know, but there’s an understanding there that “hey, been there, done that, I know what you’re, I know what you’re going through.” And, and having that support, especially for, for people who have, not just for having injuries like TBI and, and like, and you know just other, other things too. Just have a network of support, of people who just understand and it’s an implicit understanding. Implicit.

A counselor said once to me, because I kept saying “I just, I just want to be normal. I just want to be normal. I’m tired of being like this.” And she was like “Well, what you were experiencing was not abnormal. You were having a perfectly normal reaction to a highly abnormal situation.” And that was like, just a lightbulb for me of like, what I’m going through is not abnormal. I’m not, I’m not broken. I’m not odd. I’m not alone in this. Like there are other people having the same reaction. This is a normal reaction to have to seeing what we saw. Trying to explain that to my family is challenging. Trying to explain to anybody who hasn’t seen it or isn’t well versed in the treatment of it is, is difficult. Like, even people out in the community are kind of like, “I don’t understand why you guys are like that.” Well I mean, “Cause you weren’t there.”

Well, education in terms of that because when I was with my ex at first she didn’t understand dealing with Vets the amount of people that don’t - you know, like less than ten percent of the people there overseas leave the wire and go out and do missions or whatever. The majority are support, logistics or whatever. They may take mortar rounds or other things or attacks on the camps, but the guys who go outside the wire and get blown up and kill people and see people get killed are less than ten percent of the guys over there. So, she actually got really angry because - and this was a few months ago - I think there was a monthly medical staff meeting in the cafeteria or auditorium, and she basically said the speakers had no idea - or the speaker had no idea what he was talking about because he was saying - making it sound like everyone coming back has PTSD or is [indiscernible] in some sort of way, and that’s not the case. I’m not saying that they don’t - the VA is going to have a huge flow of Veterans with different problems, but basically, we’re not all crazy.

To tell you the truth, the best support that I have ever experienced is other Veterans. My family doesn’t understand. Matter of fact most, most friends and people that I know, have always passed me off saying “ooh, you need to go get it fixed. Or you need to go to the VA and, you know, see a doctor or see a counselor or something, or, you know get some medication.” Well, I don’t want to be fixed. I just want to be understood. And that’s one of the, that’s, so I, there, it kind of tends to isolate a lot of Veterans, into, that’s, I understand why Veteran suicide rate is so much higher. It’s because you’re dealing with any kind of handicaps, any different, you know, things that you’re going through or that you might be disabled from, from your service. You’re dealing with an extreme identity crisis. Isolation from people who understand you. And most of your, or most of the family doesn’t want to hear it. They don’t know how to come to grasp, or want to know. I mean there’s, I have some family members that I can turn to, but they’re few and far between. It’s mostly “Well, that’s too bad, there, there, go, you need to go get passed along,” and that tends to put people into even more depression about their situation.