Advice for Other Veterans
The Veterans we spoke to had many different pieces of advice they would share with others Veterans who have sustained a brain injury. Many Veterans were once reluctant to seek help, but now recommend other seek support form the VA and not minimize or downplay their symptoms. They also shared messages of hope, urging other Veterans to set realistic expectations for themselves, celebrate their new person, and recognize that they can still have a wonderful life.
Notice when something isn’t right and seek help from the VA
Several Veterans advised that others struggling with the symptoms of a TBI to seek out a support system, emphasizing that “there are services available at the VA that are designed to help and you should not be shy about seeking them out.” Frank said he doesn’t want younger Vets to go through the same things that he did, and encouraged them to utilize all that the VA has to offer, including non-medical services such as housing and education. Another Veteran emphasized that “you have to put your pride aside and seek help.”
Steven encourages other Veterans to notice when something’s not right in your life, and to seek support from the VA.
Steven encourages other Veterans to notice when something’s not right in your life, and to seek support from the VA.
It takes a brave person to admit that they go, that he or she has a problem and did not admit it and stuff. I just wish more people would realize that. Then we probably wouldn’t have this issue of the number 22 in suicides. Every 22 minutes, another person commits suicide. It happened to a medic friend of mind coming back from their third deployment. I didn’t know until I got a phone call.
I: What would you say to people to help them sort of realize this?
It’s like you got people, it’s like you’ve been to war. You have to, you have to notice that something’s not right in your life. If you’re snapping at something you’ve never done before, that’s never been a part of you and deep in your subconscious you know that, but you have a block here [motions to head] and that block is just not letting you recognize that something’s going on, even when other people are telling you that, “You’re acting differently. You’re so different than when, than when you were before you went,” and everything like that. It’s like, “Oh, really? No, no. It’s like I don’t think anything’s wrong.” When you see, when you hear people and your friends start to, you know, saying stuff like that – or have you, question you, “Have you ever sought help at the VA for these things that you’re talking to me about?” “Well, no.” Then that’s when you need to go. Don’t say no, don’t put it off. Go.
Frank doesn’t want other Vets to go through the same things he did, and encourages them to seek benefits at the VA.
Frank doesn’t want other Vets to go through the same things he did, and encourages them to seek benefits at the VA.
For one thing, I don’t want these kids now ever go through the same, same stuff I did. And a lot of us Vietnam Vets are – I can’t speak for the whole, whole demographic group, but there’s a lot of us that feel the same way, and we’re helping these guys coming back because we don’t want them to go through the ignorance and or abuse that we did. And, and I help them in that, you know, like I said about the, about the benefits, the, the VA has. Not, not just for PTSD – housing, education, the whole gamut.
If he met someone newly diagnosed with TBI, Ben would make sure they had a case manager and tell them to go to the TBI clinic.
If he met someone newly diagnosed with TBI, Ben would make sure they had a case manager and tell them to go to the TBI clinic.
Oh I’d probably sit down with them and just explain, ask them if they need any help, ask them any of their, you know, try and break, break the ice. See what some of their symptoms are, maybe relate a little bit to them so they have a better understanding, maybe open up more and then, you know, just guide them through the process of, you know, like “do you have an OEF/OIF case manager?” “Oh you don’t? Well let’s make sure to get you set with that and let’s get your provider set up here so maybe we can get you an MRI or a CAT scan to see how you’re doing and everything” and then from there, I would just keep telling them, “tell them, because you’re diagnosed with a TBI, that you need to go to the TBI Clinic.” You know, and maybe get them set to talk with Speech Pathology. I mean, that would be, that’s what I would do. I don’t know why the VA hasn’t done this.
Alan urges other Veterans to get medical help and to remember that they did a good job and didn’t quit.
Alan urges other Veterans to get medical help and to remember that they did a good job and didn’t quit.
I don’t know. Of course, my first thing is go get medical help. I should have went, “hey I rung my head pretty good” and that might have expedited, but then again I think TBI is so big on the radar they’re like oh yeah we need to test you. So, the other thing would be get help, at least give it a shot. I’m usually a pretty patient guy so it’s easy for me to sit through something. I think what I have learned is not to, that I did a good job. And, of course, I debate that every once and a while in my head. But we all do that I guess. But I think I learned that lesson that I did a good job and I didn’t quit. I lost my security, but did it 20 years. But I wanted to keep on serving.
Advocate for yourself
Participants also advised those newly diagnosed to be proactive in seeking services. One Veteran said that he finally got the tools he needed to help with his symptoms after his wife told his doctors just how bad his headaches really were. He urges other Veterans to “make sure you’re up front and honest with your family, and don’t try to minimize how you’re feeling or the effects when you’re talking to your doctor because if you minimize it, it’s not going to help you as much.”
To other Veterans, Brian would like to say that you are your own biggest advocate and nobody else will fight harder for you.
To other Veterans, Brian would like to say that you are your own biggest advocate and nobody else will fight harder for you.
I will say this, I’ve learned actually from just coming back and going to the VA, and I’ve taught myself this, and I think that’s the reason why I’ve gotten so far - why I have gotten so far and even my own care or whatever - it’s you are your own biggest advocate. No one is going to fight harder for you than you. So, for example, anytime I get a provider I write down there or put their extension in my phone so I can track them down if need be or go to whoever etc. etc.
Jeremy advises others to set up as many services before being discharged from the military.
Jeremy advises others to set up as many services before being discharged from the military.
Seek – get as much done while you’re – before your discharge date as possible. Get as much done. So, you have it so where it’s already done where you just have to walk home and it’s there. Because the Marine Corps or the system or the Veteran or the military will make it happen within weeks, whereas civilian will take years to do. There’s a long difference. It’s a speedy process when you’re active duty still. So, take that opportunity even if you’re kicked out, they give you a well enough warning. Use that time for those free services that they have and that will make it to where – all you have to do is take that bus home and you will never experience what I’ve experienced.
When I did it in the military, I had a little folder with like three pieces of paper. I don’t even know what they are still. But they did this whole entire system for me. And I just sat and did one meeting. I talked to a few people. It was nothing compared to what I’ve had to do now. I’m bugging seven different entities sometimes and I never did that in the Marine Corps. Somebody handled it all for me. All you have to do is ask and it – there’s somebody dedicated to ask to do that when you ask. And it takes, literally, it takes a week or two and you got the stuff approved for. Once you’re out, you’re not “one of us” anymore, in a way. Like that’s how I felt. When I was out of the Marine Corps, you’re not a Marine anymore. You’re – “We have Marines to take care of.” So, while you’re in the military, take advantage of that to – because you’re not going to be that, you know, once you’re out. You’re second, in a way. In a way, priority-wise. And there’s a big difference.
Find the strength to move forward
Some of the Veterans we interviewed talked about the need to find strength within yourself to move forward after suffering a TBI. In their advice to others they spoke about coming to terms with their injury and persevering through the hardest of times. John said it took more than ten years for him to realize he was “not going to be the same I was before, but I can be the best I can. You can either be the victor or the victim, so you can fight or not fight.” Alex said that it is hard to get to that point of coming to terms with the disability and that “it’s a struggle daily to kind of admit, ‘I have a disability. That’s okay, I can still function. I can still try to move forward.’” Kevin and Roger talked about what they lost, and what they got back. Roger wants others to remember that, although it takes work, they can get back “what they need to live a wonderful life.”
Although his mind still works, Kevin explains that it works differently than before and he needed to adjust his expectations.
Although his mind still works, Kevin explains that it works differently than before and he needed to adjust his expectations.
Yeah, don’t, with the TBI, because your mind, maybe your mind still works, but it tends to develop expectations that are way above and beyond what you’re able to do, OK. And that’s because you want to do it and you think you should be able to do it. Because your mind still works, it still works, it just doesn’t work like it’s supposed to or like it should, OK. It, it’s, it’s off all the time. But don’t set too high of expectations for yourself, OK. Because you cannot, you have to limit those expectations and, and understand the way your mind works, and, and learn how your mind is working, because it works differently than other people.
Roger would like to tell other veterans that as much as you have lost, you can get back what you need to live a wonderful life.
Roger would like to tell other veterans that as much as you have lost, you can get back what you need to live a wonderful life.
As much as you believe you’ve lost, I can promise you, there’s a possibility that you can get back what you need to live a wonderful life.
I: Do you feel like you’ve gotten that back?
I’ve got a long ways to go, too. But yeah, I’ve had a great life. Like, like working with the people that I have, I mean I, I’ve witnessed things that blew my mind. How people can have guts and do something. And, and, and it’s because they realize they can do it. And then they might, they might mess up the first couple times or the first couple hundred times. But they can do it. And like a lot of people, “Oh, you poor person. You poor, you’ve lost so much.” But, you know, if, if the first thing you say is not what you’ve lost – you know you’ve got so much, so much that you can use to give you a great life.
Don’t quit, celebrate your new person, and remember there are other Veterans out there
Finally, the people we interviewed wanted to pass along encouragement to other Veterans going through similar experiences.
To other Veterans with a TBI, William says not to get angry or drink, continue the fight, and not let people keep you down.
To other Veterans with a TBI, William says not to get angry or drink, continue the fight, and not let people keep you down.
Don’t get angry. Don’t drink. Don’t let them have the satisfaction of keeping you down. Fight, you know, continue the fight. And they have a lot longer fight than I do; I’m fifty years old. I’m you know, they got a long time to fight. And don’t let them win.
Jessica says it is a process, don’t quit, and even if you aren’t the same person you were before, celebrate your new person.
Jessica says it is a process, don’t quit, and even if you aren’t the same person you were before, celebrate your new person.
It’s a process. I always tell people don’t quit. It’s not linear. It’s going to get better but everybody is going to have setbacks. Clearly, I’ve had seven big setbacks, but it’s a process. You’re not going to be the same person. You’re not going to be the same person you were before, I tell everybody. My new birthdate is my head injury day. I’m never going to be the person I was before, so celebrate your new person.
Joseph advises other Veterans to use their phone to help with memory and to remember that there are other Veterans out there.
Joseph advises other Veterans to use their phone to help with memory and to remember that there are other Veterans out there.
A lot of advice about their phone. You know, how to set it up properly. If, if you haven’t already invested in a damn smartphone, you can get a plan for thirty-five a month, you know? But one of the big things is the understanding of not being alone in it. There are other Veterans out there. I mean even volunteering for a group like Team Rubicon, you know? Just seeing other people who have been through some of this stuff and can, even though they don’t have the same experience, they can relate to some of it.
(See also: Reintegrating into Society; Public Perceptions – & Misperceptions – of Veterans;
Positive Changes, Moving Forward, & Finding New Meaning; People Who Provided Support; Coping with Day-to-Day Life; Services & Programs for Veterans)