Positive Changes, Moving Forward, & Finding New Meaning
We asked all of the Veterans we interviewed whether there were aspects of their life that were better because of their injury. Despite the hardships they have faced, many described having a greater appreciation for life. Several people said that grappling with their own issues has enabled them to have more empathy for others, noting that this has made them more compassionate, more effective in their jobs, and even a better parent. Others talked about learning new strategies to deal with anxiety, finding greater enjoyment in school and learning, discovering new talents, feeling a newfound desire for something more, or finding new meaning in their lives through helping others.
Greater appreciation of life and empathy for others
Many of the Veterans we interviewed said that sustaining a brain injury – including the process of recovery and learning to cope with ongoing challenges – has given them greater appreciation of life and an awareness of “how good” they have it compared with many others. Some also reflected on the ways that their injury has helped others in their lives become more compassionate. One Veteran talked about how his injury changed his outlook on life, and made him “humbler.” Others told us that their own struggles have helped them have more empathy for other Veterans and for people in general who may be going through hard times. Miguel described ways that his injury has shaped his character, explaining that even though he still “struggles every day,” he thinks he “can help empathize with people a lot better. Especially someone that was as disgruntled and hard headed as I was, I might be able to get through to them, help them seek assistance, maybe they’d take it from me a little bit better.”
Miguel describes how his injury has shaped his character and enables him to have more empathy for others.
Miguel describes how his injury has shaped his character and enables him to have more empathy for others.
But, I guess it happened for a reason. I don’t know, I mean I guess the higher power, this is what he wanted for me. And things - maybe from when I look at it - now that I look at it I’m starting to have this mindset where it took everything I went through to help build character in me and I don’t want it to be any other way.
I: Yeah, yeah. Are there positive things that you think you’ve gained from it or, I mean I guess you just said that, but what are some of the positives that have come out of it?
Well just my character now. Like I said I’m still struggling every day but I think I feel like, to a certain extent - not, not like a doctor as yourself - but I think I can help empathize with people a lot better. Especially someone that was as disgruntled and hard headed as I was. I might be able to get through to them, help them seek assistance, maybe they’d take it from me a little bit better, but ultimately, I’m not the professional, you know. I have to lead them to the professionals. And I think it made me a little but stronger now because I’m able to be a better father. I think I’m a little bit better at my job now as of recent. Little more goal oriented. Not as depressed. So, I think those are probably the positives that I got out of these experiences I’ve been through.
After his injury, Richard says he has a greater appreciation for life and is grateful for the help he received from friends.
After his injury, Richard says he has a greater appreciation for life and is grateful for the help he received from friends.
You do appreciate life more. Of course, you know how brutal it can be, and hit the pavement, I mean, that’s pretty brutal. Three blocks from the Capitol. Yeah, yeah. But again, friends help me. And I then had this series of heart attacks, was homeless. Send me money. No one would accept a penny in return. They simply wouldn’t do it. You know, I’d send them a check, they won’t cash it, and stuff like that. And they just helped out just a lot. And it was, unfortunately my family, my biological family helped out like negatively, which, which was not good.
Because of her injury, Jessica understands what other Veterans are going through on a much different level.
Because of her injury, Jessica understands what other Veterans are going through on a much different level.
So, that’s a two-sided question for me. I’m a very career driven person, so that being said, I was very dead set on going through the Army and being an Army social worker. And I view this as a bump in the road I guess. It took me a long time to view it as that though. So, I also view this as a way for me to sort of relate better to my people that I serve. So, I feel like some days I secret shop the VA care system. It just gave me a different avenue to go about doing what I was already going to do. It didn’t stop me but it definitely made it harder. It’s definitely, it’s changed my outlook a whole lot. I understand on a - I thought that going through the Army was gonna be me being able to, you know, have combat experience, things like that, and understand on that level my population, but now I understand on a much different level. Being that I don’t have combat time but I understand what people are going through on a much different level. Especially with the frustrations of the VA system and filing your claims and coping with some of these symptoms.
Erik talks about how his injury has made his daughter more compassionate.
Erik talks about how his injury has made his daughter more compassionate.
Yeah. My daughter is the most amazing little person, because she knows her dad’s half-crazy. And she knows between my headaches and my forgetfulness and my bouts of anger and everything because, you know, I’m constantly dealing with my own issues. And she, most kids at eleven years old are quick to point out someone in a wheelchair, or quick to point out someone that’s different, mentally or physically. And my daughter is like, “No way, because my dad could be that person.” So, she is like, “Can I help you?” You know, if there’s someone being mean to a kid on the playground, she’ll be like, “Let’s hang out,” you know? Because of my disability, that’s why she is that way. So, I’m just like, “Yeah.” So, she’s much more tolerant of people that are different.
Developing (or discovering) new skills and capabilities
Some Veterans talked about specific skills they have learned since their injury. Others discovered new things about themselves, like a love of learning or an affinity for writing.
Because of the classes he has taken, Joseph feels like he is better about handling his anxiety.
Because of the classes he has taken, Joseph feels like he is better about handling his anxiety.
Not the like the problems, but just like – okay, I’ve got PTSD. But thanks to those classes and the stuff I’ve taken, I’m better at handling most anxiety than other people. I can hit the overload thing. I had an anxiety attack the other day, but it’s - day-to-day I’m a more laid-back person because I have to be. It’s accept the blows and roll with them, or scream at the sky pointlessly and pull my hair out. It’s not – I like my hair, I’ve grown, I’ve put some effort into growing it out.
Sam says he finds greater enjoyment in school and learning than he did before his injury.
Sam says he finds greater enjoyment in school and learning than he did before his injury.
Absolutely. I enjoy the way that I learn now, more so than I did before, because I can just a read a book. And when you read a book that’s not something you’re interested in, it’s boring. But now like I go to a not interesting class, it becomes more exciting because I’m actively learning it instead of like osmosis-ly, like learning it. And so, it makes time fly by a lot faster, it makes school a lot more exciting. It does a lot of stuff, because I have to try a little bit harder, and that trying a little bit harder is a lot more fun.
Kevin talks about how his brain has rewired itself over the years and discovering that he had a gift for writing.
Kevin talks about how his brain has rewired itself over the years and discovering that he had a gift for writing.
And like I said I never knew I had this speaking or writing ability and I’ve since learned that, because of the part of my brain that got messed up, it triggered, and my mind has over the years, and it’s been a slow process, because it takes years, it’s rewired itself to do this, OK. Because I never used to be able to do this. But my mind has rewired itself. And this is what I’m saying, with a traumatic brain injury, your brain always, it continues to heal, but it doesn’t regrow or regenerate but it rewires the other parts of the brain to maybe do the functions that it can’t, that the other part can’t do anymore. And it doesn’t happen immediately or overnight. It’s, it’s been happening with me over the last 35 years. I see it, OK. I just learned my gift to write. I just learned I had it four years ago, OK. Prior to then, I mean, I just, I didn’t know it was there. And I had even gone to college. And didn’t realize it was there.
Others talked light-heartedly about the benefits of memory loss, saying that they can re-read the same book - or watch the same movies - over and over again and they “never get old.”
Greg loves reading and says one of the benefits of his memory loss is that he can re-read books he already read.
Greg loves reading and says one of the benefits of his memory loss is that he can re-read books he already read.
I get to re-read books. I do, I get to re-read books. I will, I’m a very avid reader, I love reading and there are times I’ll pick a book of the shelf and be like I know I’ve read this and I’ll start reading and I’ll end up re-reading the whole book and, I don’t know, I’ll probably remember 70% of it, 80% of it, or something. But there’s always that little surprise of I don’t remember that happening. So, I get to re-read books, I get to re-watch movies. What was it the other day, it was just a month ago or so, I had said to my wife, Of Mice and Men, I said, “Baby we need to watch this movie, we need to watch it with the kids, this is just such a powerful movie, I really wanna watch it. Baby we did. When? Last year. All of us? Yes, all of us. I haven’t seen this movie in years, I can’t remember the last time I saw this. Yes, it was last year. You sure? Yes, I’m sure.
Ok, can we watch it anyway?” So, it annoys the kids to no end.
Moving forward and finding meaning
Many of the Veterans we spoke with spoke about moving forward with their condition, finding new sources of meaning in their lives, and their hopes and aspirations for the future. One younger Veteran who served in Afghanistan said he “kind of failed at life before I started getting help with my TBI” but has now returned to school and to get a teaching degree with hopes to teach high school. Another woman, now in her 60s, said that traveling has been a great reward and she hopes to continue exploring the world. “I want to go back to Fiji. I want to live in the village with the family. And I want to learn their ceremonies and I want to learn their traditions.” Tom told us that, for him, the positive side of his injury is that “it’s given me a desire for something that I’ve never felt and I don’t really know what that is, but I’m seeking it vigorously and tenaciously and persistently.”
Tom says his injury has given him a desire for something more - he taught himself to read again, is in a band, and writes songs.
Tom says his injury has given him a desire for something more - he taught himself to read again, is in a band, and writes songs.
I’m very intelligent, I know that. I’m not a genius, but I’m very fucking intelligent considering I have a TBI of some sort and still be able to maintain 4.0 if I’m in college, because I want to, without reading any of the college text that they provide. Just based off of working on my memory, like I feel accomplished. And, with all these things that happened, and make my life difficult, I’m still, still making it. I’m still doing OK. I’m in a band. I write songs. I started writing songs the day after that happened, when I was on bedrest. And I’m, like I’m making my dreams come true in that way, and, or my goals come true rather. And so I feel like, like the positive sides of all this, or it’s given me a desire for something that I’ve never felt and I don’t really know what that is, but I’m seeking it vigorously and tenaciously and persistently. And, but I had to teach myself to read again. That was really difficult, because I love reading. I taught myself to read again while I was in Baghdad.
Some of the Veterans we spoke with told us about finding meaning in their lives through helping others. One spoke of his desire to return to work in health care so he could help “other Veterans that are having issues.” Another works with a Veteran Service Organization and said that now that she is comfortable talking about her own injury and condition she hopes that she “can continue to positively impact and influence a Veteran community. I definitely can’t imagine doing any other job but a job like this now, working with Veterans and kind of giving back.”
Frank spends about forty hours a week helping other Vets and is building a project patterned after the Wounded Warriors.
Frank spends about forty hours a week helping other Vets and is building a project patterned after the Wounded Warriors.
I’m a service counselor, I devote my life to service. So as soon as I got my disability, and I’m one hundred percent service-connected, and I receive social security. So, I have a rather comfortable living, especially being single. And so, I work on my two acres that I’ve got on the river, and I devote – I work forty hours a week, probably. Helping other vets and – well other people. I mean that’s – it’s a catharsis for myself as well as helping. I’m building a project patterned after the Wounded Warrior Project. I got, right on the river I’m, I got a boat ramp. Trying to develop it for wheelchair Veterans. And I’m going to do this for the rest of my life. I’m slowing down, so I have to work on getting grants. And so, there’s more paperwork. I welcome it. As long as I, you know, if I don’t get overwhelmed in doing more than – doing too many things at once. But see, the VA’s been good to me, and everybody bitches about the VA and on. So, hey, I’m a volunteer there, at our hospital. I’m the military with Purple Heart delegate.
Roger went on to get a PhD in psychology and started his own company to help brain injured people.
Roger went on to get a PhD in psychology and started his own company to help brain injured people.
And, but I had seizures, couldn’t walk well, even then. And I talked, you know - kind of. And, and I knew I couldn’t get a job. And I got a job, sort of – well I did, I got a job as a salesman for Western Foods. And then I had my seizures and lost that job, you know? But they were, they were wonderful to me. They were wonderful, Western Foods. But you know, what could I do? Okay, I’m, I’m – academically, I’m pretty smart. And well, what I can do is help people. And then, and so I decided to go for my doctorate. And the VA sent me, by the way. But not to become a psychologist. I wanted a PhD in Psychology, but to be a better counselor. And after I graduated – okay then I – well before I graduated I figured out I needed to get licensed. Or, or what can you do? So, I got my PhD and then I did my internship with the VA, twenty months. And then, and then I had my own company, it’s named after my brother. Working with brain injured people.
Well it’s counseling, for one thing. And that’s a lot more of a, as you know already. For sometimes, or many times, people have no idea why they should change. If they, you know, they do something and they do it over and over and over and over again, but nothing ever changes, and so they can’t understand that, “Hey, maybe if I tried a different way, I might find the right way.” But, many, many people just don’t, they can’t imagine how they’re wrong, how they could be wrong. And I, I work with people that are dealing, dealing with their issues, if I can. I work with people on helping them overcome some things, like being able to dress themselves. And not just – being able to walk, even. And, and this isn’t, isn’t like you know. I, I help them through imagery therapy and, and it’s a pretty long process. But it’s where they gain the courage that they’re not going to fail. They’re not going to hurt themselves. And if they mess up one time, I’ll do it again because they’ve done it successfully so many times in their mind. Nobody call tell them they have, they’ve never done it so why, why try?
Others are still working to move beyond the challenges they face to find a more meaningful and fulfilling life. For some, that means learning to manage their condition so that it doesn’t prevent them from doing the things they enjoy. One Veteran said he hopes “the headaches get to a point where they’re not as an integral part of my every day. Just really hope that, really enjoying life again.” Jake is trying to get a better hold on his pain and the cognitive challenges he is facing. He is working with a cognitive rehabilitation specialist and hoping to finish school and find a stimulating career. For Alex, success means being able to “get up, go to do something that I can call my job and be able to take care of my family and have some kind of normalcy in the community.”
For Alex, success means having a job, taking care of his family, and being part of a community.
For Alex, success means having a job, taking care of his family, and being part of a community.
Well success in my book means that I can, I can get up, go to do something that I can call my job and be able to take care of my family and have some kind of normalcy in the community. How do I see that implemented? I don’t know. I plan on trying to have some kind of these, these things that I’ve been discussing with you. An advocate for, for Veterans and the community. I think that that’s the biggest gap - there’s Veterans and there’s civilians. Well, guess what? We’ve got to live together. We can’t live in gated communities apart and even if we did, that would be horrible.
Jake hopes to overcome the pain and cognitive challenges he faces so that he can finish school and get a good job.
Jake hopes to overcome the pain and cognitive challenges he faces so that he can finish school and get a good job.
I’m definitely trying to get a better hold on my pain. Trying to get a better hold on some of the cognitive, I really hate to use the word limitations because I don’t like it, but challenges and cognitive challenges that I’m facing. And I’m working with a cognitive rehab specialist here, help me with some of that. And just always trying to challenge myself. I’d like to eventually finish school, and employment is obviously the goal because I need to make, I need to make money, because I want to continue living, you know. I mean if there were a way to continue living without, you know, working a job, you know I don’t know that I could go without doing something, you know. I think I would be bored out of my mind. I am bored out of my mind in a way. I mean I’m so over work in my own mind, I guess, because I’m always trying to do something. And the appointments and everything keep me busy.
But I feel like I need more stimulation, I need more. I need a job. I need a career. I need a hobby. I need something more. I need a project, not a hobby. I need a project is what I keep saying. Everything is too damn slow. It’s killing me. But it’s not just being back. Everything’s been too slow for years, and so that’s why I’m a little bit worried about school. And I did my associates online, but going and sit in school, I don’t know. So, I mean it worked online, just do it in pieces like I did my associates. But yeah, I want to continue my education because I love learning and why not, why not get the piece of paper, you know that you’re supposed to have, while I’m, while I’m doing it. And I guess the goal, the career, success. I mean it doesn’t have to be specific for a job career but success, because without that you can’t, you know, really live. I want to overcome some of the challenges that I’m facing.
(See also: Advice for Other Veterans; Changing Sense of Self; Coping Strategies for Day-to-Day Life)