Jim

I had a bad experience when I was in the Army, with losing soldiers. I was responsible for one incident. I didn’t want to, but I pressed the trigger, and several U.S. soldiers were wounded. And I was responsible for some of their deaths. And I carry that burden around with me. It’s in the back of my head all the time—not all the time, but it’s still there. And that’s part of the reason I don’t like weapons anymore, because I used them and had an accident with them on my person. That was when I got…that was after I got out of the military. I was having a bad day. I had the weapon. And I can remember saying to myself almost out loud—because I knew what I was going to do. I was going to shoot myself. I got tired of those nightmares and wake up, you’re sweating, and sometimes you don’t remember. So, I violated the rules of the rest home that I was staying at, at the time, and they asked me to leave and don’t come back. I said, “Whatever you want. I can’t fight you.” 

So that’s…I can remember walking down to my car the day of the injury, and I said, do you really think you have enough nerve to pull the trigger? Because I was still doubting myself for other reasons. And sure enough, I could pull the trigger, but it cost me a couple teeth. I had the weapon in my mouth. Took out two teeth, and it exited midway down your neck between your earlobe and your…I would say three, about three or four inches down from the earlobe. And the bullet had exited, and I was injured at the time. Rapidly, they called an ambulance, and I went over to the Veterans hospital. And they took…I thought they took excellent care. But what I didn’t know and didn’t realize was how many people really liked Jim, and I didn’t see it and didn’t notice it until I did a silly, stupid thing in injuring myself. I’ll never do it again. At least that’s what I’m saying. I will never do it again.

It’s hard to reach some people. They…some people don’t even want to talk about it. I was probably one of those people that didn’t want to talk about it, but it doesn’t do it any good. It’s not going to go away. You have to address it and work your way through it, with or without external help. 

I can remember walking down to my car the day of the injury, and I said, do you really think you have enough nerve to pull the trigger? Because I was still doubting myself for other reasons. And sure enough, I could pull the trigger, but it cost me a couple teeth. I had the weapon in my mouth. Took out two teeth, and it exited midway down your neck between your earlobe and your…I would say three, about three or four inches down from the earlobe. And the bullet had exited, and I was injured at the time. Rapidly, they called an ambulance, and I went over to the Veterans hospital. And they took…I thought they took excellent care. But what I didn’t know and didn’t realize was how many people really liked Jim, and I didn’t see it and didn’t notice it until I did a silly, stupid thing in injuring myself. I’ll never do it again. At least that’s what I’m saying. I will never do it again. It was more physical than it was mental, in my case. The two teeth that I lost? I could have lost my life.  

My father, in my earlier years, would take me hunting with him. Deer hunting with a high-caliber rifle. When I got back from Vietnam, I got tired of the killing, and I didn’t like killing animals in particular, and so I have not been hunting since. I liked the look and the feel and the smell of a weapon. This is before I went to Vietnam. But with my Vietnam experience, it pointed me in a different direction. I have a lot of experience. By that I mean I spent two years in Vietnam. I was a helicopter pilot, and I saw a lot of action, should I say? Some good, some bad. I can honestly say the high points in my life and the low point in my life all revolved around living. Living through an experience or losing a Veteran or another pilot, for example. 

I learned how to fire the .45 pistol while I was in the army. And when I got out and I chose not to do those things that hunters do, killing animals, primarily. I had a strong dislike of weapons that are used in war, and people pick them up…like just today, I think ten people were shot in the New York subway. Did you hear about that? That’s crazy. When will it end? 

Probably thinking that weapon will help save you from something bad that might happen. You know, you see these different reports like, you know, there’s too many weapons in this country. They got more weapons than they got people. There has to be some way to separate weapons from former soldiers or seamen or Air Force types. Get them out of their hands. I sold all my weapons. I had a shotgun and a deer hunting rifle and a .45-caliber pistol. I sold them all. Don’t want to be around them.  

Well, in the military, it would start out at your basic training installation. Then in that initial training, we would be at the rifle range several days in a week’s time. Actually, the combat course was over nine weeks, and I would say eight of the nine weeks, you’d be on the rifle range learning how to shoot, aim, and clean the weapon. So, most of my initial experience was in the military and/or with my father hunting with a high-powered rifle.  

So, I did have some experience before I joined the military. And there’s a part that I left out, probably the biggest part. I learned how to fire weapon systems in the military—rocket launchers, machine guns, grenade launchers, those kinds of things—in the military.  

I graduated from Basic in June of 1964. I was awarded Army sharpshooter weapon with a rifle, iron sights. And when I went to further my training, I learned how to fire the .45-caliber pistol. That’s what was issued to the officer corps. So, I was trained to use personal hand weapons in that…M14, M16, caliber .45. 

There should be…they…the weapons should be secure, should be locked up if you’re a firearm owner. If they get in the hands of the wrong people, then what do you do? Duck? 

I think everybody that has been in the military needs to be sat down and explained the facts of life. We were trained to do a job, and we did it. Now it’s time to go home. And guns kill. They need to know that.

Force the military to set aside days, not hours or minutes, about the danger of firearms. Teach some people how to ask for help. That was one of my problems. I would never ask for help till later in life. Help is there for you, they just have to…you have to ask for