Nick

So, my experience with firearms, I do remember seeing my first gun in person when I was younger. And to be honest, I was really afraid because I didn’t understand it, you know. And I think it was over at a friend’s house. I was maybe 17, 18 and he pulled out the gun and showed me it. And I was scared to hold it to be honest with you. And this was before I went to the military. And I think because I had been so programmed, watched so many movies, so many – because I really like action movies. But they make it seem like it’s so easy to just shoot a gun, you know, hurt somebody, kill somebody potentially. So, I kind of had already this concept in my mind of like this is a dangerous thing.

It was kind of a culture shock simply because I didn’t grow up around firearms. You know what I mean. Like my pops didn’t own a firearm. Nobody in my house owned a firearm. We didn’t even talk about firearm safety. We didn’t talk about, you know, protecting the home in any way, shape, or form. There was nothing that was ever spoken about. So, I’m so big on that now, on security, because I was in the military. Like I have a whole way of like, you know – like I have cameras in my house. I have certain alarms on my windows and my doors. It’s because I was taught that in the military. So, it was never a thing until, you know, like I said, I seen it from a friend at his house when I was younger. And it was like – you know, I had only seen it in videos – movies. And I’m like oh, this is a real gun. I was so afraid. I was so scared because I’m like I don’t want to – I don’t want to – you know what I mean. Like when he gave it to me, I didn’t even want to hold it. I was like, “Here bro. I don’t want it.” You know what I mean? I didn’t really want to play with it or touch it because I know like this thing could potentially kill somebody

Three or four years ago I bought my first gun. It’s a Glock. And I bought that because it was like during that time, it was a lot of like – they kept showing like police shootings all the time, of a brown man getting killed or a black man being killed. So, you know, at that point, I’m like all right, I need to have – I need to protect myself at some point. You know what I mean? Because it seems like I’m a target. So, I just got it for protection then, you know, just to have in my house. And then the world within itself was getting crazy. There was a lot of stuff going on. So that’s when I bought my first gun. Then I kind of got on a routine with cleaning my guns. Didn’t stay consistent with it. So, then I’m like all right. To be honest, for a while, I was carrying my gun and did not have Concealed Carry license because I was – honestly, I was afraid. I was carrying it out of fear. I bought it from a store, but I still didn’t have the Concealed Carry license. 

I was in a town that’s divided, to be honest, by race. So, all the black people live on one side. All the white people live on one side. Complete culture shock for me when I got there. I’m like, “This is crazy.” So, I had a couple experience where, you know, I had – you know, we weren’t allowed to go to certain places as a unit because I was the only black guy at the unit. And so, they didn’t allow us there because it was privately owned, right? And then I had incidents where, you know, like, people threw trash at me when I went running around the area, in the actual area. And so that made me even more paranoid, right? That made me even more like, “I need to protect myself,” because everybody had a gun. They all went hunting. They all had ranges in their back – like it was a real country type of life and energy. So, everybody owns a gun out there. It’s just different in the south. And so, I think that’s another thing that kinda made me like, “All right, I need to get a gun,” because I don’t ever wanna be, you know, kinda caught without it, to be honest. So, you know, those experiences kinda, you know, also shaped the way that I move now when it comes to firearms.

I’m gonna be honest. It feels – it’s kinda like part of my outfit, to be honest. Because like, it’s – like when I get up and put my clothes on, that’s part of it, you know. Like that’s part of my uniform to be completely honest. A lot of the ideology in the military, I still carry with me. So, a lot of the discipline and a lot of the – you know, just the way of thinking, I still carry with me. One of our – our thing in the Coast Guard was Semper Paratus which means “always ready.” And so that’s something that I’m big on. I have to be prepared. I have a firearm with me. I have a knife with me, and I have pepper spray with me. The firearm isn’t my first choice at all. My first choice is like, “All right, can we have a conversation to kinda calm you down if you’re being rowdy or if you’re starting to try some issues.” Now if you come attack me, then you get pepper sprayed first. You don’t get a gun first. I don’t wanna kill nobody or shoot nobody. I don’t want to do it, you know? I think we glamorize it too much. And I think that’s why there’ so many guns. Because we think, oh yeah, it’s so easy to just – you know, it’s not easy. You know, I know people that have actually, like, shot somebody and went to prison for it. And they tell me all the time that there’s many nights they can’t sleep. So, we kinda gotta stop glamorizing. But to answer your question, it’s regular to me now, to be completely honest. It’s a part of like, my every day. And I don’t think about it.

I think a lot of injuries prevention – I mean a lot of things could be prevented is through maintaining the firearm. You can’t just buy a firearm and expect it to maintain itself. You know, once I realized, like I said, it was a tool, then you know, the same way that you would, you know, shine your boots or, you know, make sure your drill is clean or, you know, make sure the dishes are washed, is the same way you maintain your gun. And so that’s something that’s very important to me too. There’s no point in adding a tool that you can’t – that’s not working at its fullest capacity. So that’s important too because if you don’t clean it, it’ll misfire, you know. Something will go wrong. You know, it can explode in your hand. So, those are the things that also could – what’s the name – could, you know, cause injury.  

I see that’s something I’m going – when I have children, I see that’s something that I’m gonna teach them about too, you know, like how to – you know, just the – because I already taught my nephews about it. Like I already taught them if somebody try to hand you a firearm, you know – I taught them. The gun was unloaded, but I told them, “Do not touch it. Do not take it. Do not play with it. It’s not a toy,” you know? And they’re five and six years old. But they need to know that now because they could be in any environment, and somebody could be – could have a gun. And what I told them – taught them, they’ll understand. So, yeah, for sure. I think that’s something I’m definitely gonna teach. And also, physical – how to physically, how to protect themselves too, because there are parameters to put in place before you pull out a gun, you know? For a lot of people, the gun is the first answer. For me, it’s not. It’s not.

Yeah. I have three guns. I have one under my bed right next to me. It’s in a lock box. It’s a digital lock box so I can unlock it with a code. And then I have another – I have another one in another place. And then I have the one that I everyday carry. So yeah, for sure.

So, speaking of the safety part, I’m really, really safe with my firearm, you know? Like because I have—you know, I visit family. I have nephews, things of that nature. I make sure that the firearm is not in reach in any way, shape, or form. I store it somewhere where they—they don’t see it, or I leave it somewhere where they can’t even get to it. I’m just mindful of where I’m taking it. I’m just very mindful. I don’t take it into every store, into every venue and to every event. I just don’t do that because I feel like, you know, I could - that’s when I feel like you can cause unnecessary attention and trouble to yourself taking them in places you may – you necessarily don’t really need it. Just – I just – I pay attention to where I’m going, you know? I look it up, see, like, what it looks like and all that, what the energy and vibe is gonna be.

So, I think accessibility to information needs to be better when it comes to Veterans, as a whole. And then, number two, speaking specifically to that, I’m not sure if they do classes. I haven’t heard of it. But I think there needs to be a program the same way that you – it’s funny because there’s a checklist you have when you come into your first unit that you have to check off all of these things. You have to get certified in all these different categories, right? I think it needs to be a – the same checklist when you come home. But it needs to be more extensive. They do have one, but it’s not extensive enough, I feel like. I think it needs to be a full, you know, you need a full checklist of everything, you know? Like, every single thing. Firearm training. Firearm safety. How do you feel about firearms? Like, you know, actual specific focused therapy, conversation, presentation on firearm safety and the effects that it’s had on you, needs to be had for sure. That’s something that just needs to be created.

I mean I guess one thing you could do is just, you know, bring it up in conversation when you see a Vet. Say, you know, “Have you purchased firearms since you’ve been home? How many do you have?” Dah, dah, dah. I think bringing it up in conversation very nonchalant and smooth would be a good way. Because what people don’t understand is like vets do be wanting to talk to people. You know, it’s some –it just takes more – some of us longer to open up. But we just we want somebody to care. And one thing my therapist said is like people that join the military have a deep level of care for people. They just want to help. They just want to help people. So, to help the people that want to help people is – it’s a beautiful thing. And sometimes you gotta practice and push a little bit. But once you do and they get comfortable, they’ll –they’ll share anything with you, you know. And that’s somewhere I’m at, at this point in my life. I’m an open book because vulnerability is courage to me at this point.

Yeah, just – really just – honestly, just be there for them. I mean, you know like, just be there. I think, you know, Veterans, in particular, just want support. That’s it. They just want people to support them and not like, you know, scold them or like, you know, why – they just want you to support them, you know? So, I think, you know, supporting them with – maybe you can ask them later what’s going on, but just be there for them, you know, because a lot of Veterans are willing to like put themselves on the line and be there for everybody else but themselves, you know?  

Yeah, just more – I mean one thing, I appreciate the VA for sure. One thing sometimes they miss is the empathy aspect, you know? It’s too automatic, too robotic at times. And so, I think, you know, sometimes they just forget that these are fragile people that you’re dealing with. They’re strong, but they’re fragile. So, I think you have to – there’s a level of fragility within any Veteran, whether people understand it or not. So, I think they just need to be more gentle with their approach and, you know, their questioning with – you know – just be more gentle and more aware. That’s all.