Robert

I own a semiautomatic pistol and I was trying to figure out how to break it down. I had been shown a couple of times in the, you know, fishing, sporting gun shops how to do it, but I just couldn’t figure it out. And I made sure that each time I picked it up, I removed the magazine and put the magazine aside, and made sure it was clear. And I was not under the influence of anything, but I screwed up. I was attempting to find what was called the sweet spot, sliding the slide back to find the area in which it would release itself. It’s a little tricky if you don’t know quite how to do it. I was in the process of trying to figure out where that slide position was. So, I was listening to an AM talk radio show, which I listen to almost every morning. I am pretty sure I was doing that. And every, I don’t know, every ten or 15 minutes, I would pick it up again and go, “Now, I can’t find that spot,” you know? And every time I would pick it up, I would remove the magazine. 

Well, there was one time I picked it up and I forgot to remove the magazine. And I’m sliding the slide back in the normal place for that slide to be, which to get it to release is only about, well, maybe a half inch or so from the end of the muzzle of the weapon. And I just was unable to find it. And I kept going further and further back with the slide, right to the point where I was just about all the way to the end of it. Well, in the process of letting the slide slowly back to its original position, I chambered a round because I had forgotten to remove the magazine.  

This particular handgun, in order to get it to release, you have to pull the trigger. So, guess what I did? I pulled the trigger and I shot myself. And the bullet went in my left forearm and came out in my elbow area. It went in the part of the forearm that’s near the hand and went through the arm and went out near my elbow. And fortunately, it wasn’t any serious bone fracture or anything. I was very lucky in that regard. But as a result, I have lost some feeling in my left hand because one of the ulnar, they call it the ulnar nerve, had been shattered. And I have use of my left hand, but it will never be as strong or as sensitive as it used to be. So, it was a really dumb thing to do. It’s probably one of the dumbest things I have ever done in my life. It could have been worse, you know, of course, but I was lucky.  

And it was quite an experience on the pain level. But I kind of became a poster child mentally, you know, like the poster child for safety for firearms. So, yeah, firearm safety is number one. You really have to respect it. You’ve got to understand what you are doing. And for that one little lapse of, you know, that little brain fart, that little lapse in memory of not pulling that magazine out, I messed up my hand for the rest of my life. One of the top three dumbest things I’ve ever done in my life.  

That one little lapse of, you know, that little brain fart, that little lapse in memory of not pulling that magazine out, messed up my hand for the rest of my life. Now, fortunately, it was my left hand and I’m a right-handed person. So, that was very fortunate. And also, I am in my seventies, and this happened five years ago. So, it’s not like I’m going to, you know, the heart of my working life with a crippled hand. But I have one now, so, there you go. 

They can’t take you into surgery right away. It was not a life-threatening kind of thing. Like, if I had shot myself in the chest or something and I’m possibly going to die, you know, right there, then they would have immediately performed surgery on me. But since it was not that kind of a wound, they stabilized it. They first clean it up and, in my case, it was a bullet that went through; it didn’t stay inside me. So, they didn’t have to worry about that. And then they, you know, after about 24 hours, they schedule you for surgery probably a week after, in the neighborhood of five to seven days after you go in for the first time. You come back from surgery, which you know, is a pretty big deal, you know. You’ve got to deal with the pain again and stuff. 
 
You lose a certain amount of things, like initially, it was very difficult for me to, when I was in the shower, you know, to bend my arm back and handle a washcloth, you know, to wash my back. It was difficult to hold on to anything. Initially, my hand was so weak, I felt like a, like a little newborn kitten. You know, you have no strength at all in that hand. But it’s come back considerably.  

And it’s five years later and I am living in a different environment and I’m trying to be more active, especially as the weather changes here, getting into spring finally, that sort of thing. So, oh yeah, it definitely affects your day-to-day life.  

And what it did for me was, first of all, when it happened, I said, “I can’t believe I’ve done this to myself.” And I was very ashamed of myself for letting it happen. And the second thing was you know, going through the process of healing. And I, initially, I had a little bit of flashback stuff, I mean it was within the first couple of weeks and I kind of remembered you know, the bang and the eventual pain because I was in the process of trying to dial 911 and I was unsuccessful because I could only do it with one hand. So, I went outside, and I got a passerby to help me out. And eventually, the emergency people came, and I am out in front of the house laying down and moaning like a baby. And it was quite an experience on the pain level. 

I never really felt like I didn’t understand, you know, how dangerous firearms can be. And I always knew that. That’s why I was so ashamed of myself when I shot myself because I, you know, I’m saying I know better. I know better. How could I let this happen to me? So, it’s, you know, it’s kind of like when you do something and break the law or something, you feel so ashamed about it later. I mean, for people that care about that sort of thing. Some people just don’t care. Of course, you can’t call a bullet back, right? You can’t, if you shoot your bullet, you can’t say, “Oh, I made a mistake, come back here.” It doesn’t work that way. So, that’s why it’s just a critical thing to know how to handle it properly. 

You know, I grew up in a military family. And I think the first couple of weeks after I shot myself, and I had those little, I am not going to call them panic attacks, but I can kind of see how that PTSD stuff starts up. Your mind keeps reviewing what happened to you. And if it’s a very, very traumatic experience, it’s easier for a person to feel really, really uncomfortable, you know, when they have to remember these things. And I can remember the first week or two, I was saying, “Oh, I’ve got to remember what I did and how could I have been so stupid?” And I’m still there with the bandage on my arm and taking pain killers like candy until I figured out the combination so that I didn’t have to take them so much. It can be a mind screw up, you know? You can let your mind get away from you if you allow it.

Yeah, well, when I was a teenager prior to going in, I had a .22 rifle and I was a Boy Scout. One of the things you would do when you were in Boy Scouts would be target range shooting with .22 rifles, bolt action .22 rifles. I don’t know if that was the first time I ever fired a firearm. It probably was. It probably was when I was a Boy Scout. So, you know, coming out of puberty, 13, 14, 15, in there.

I am aware of some of the things that are good for weapons. They’ve got certain locks, you know, trigger locks when you are not using it, even if somebody picks it up, they can’t do anything with it with a trigger lock. They have like wire, woven wire, they almost look like small bicycle chains with a lock for them to keep people from being able to, you know, load one. It won’t allow the slide to come back all the way if they use it properly, that kind of thing. I have no issue with that at all. I think if there is something that the manufacturers can do to make a weapon safter and it doesn’t impede the ability to use the weapon, to use it in a lawful manner, I mean, I don’t have an issue with that at all. I think that’s probably an area that the successful big companies have been playing around with for a long, long time. They have all sorts of little things they’ve got going on.  

Get a routine and stick to it. Always remember that, you know, the first thing to do with a weapon if you pick it up is to make sure it’s not loaded. And every time you are done with the weapon, make sure it’s not loaded, the magazine is removed, or the round is not in the chamber, whether it’s a bolt action rifle, or something like that, you know. And never carelessly point it at somebody. Make sure if you go out to shoot, that you are not shooting, you know, the bullet is not going somewhere where it might hurt somebody. You want to make sure you are, you know, if you are out, say you hang a target somewhere, that you’re not going to end up shooting into a neighborhood or something.

I have a neighbor that took me--back when I was unable to drive, you know, it was just shortly thereafter from the injury where we had to go in, and she was being my chauffer. She was about my age. And she said something real interesting to me. She said, “You know, you’ve got to get a routine and stick to it." And that was exactly right. I did not stick to the routine and the routine was get that magazine out of the weapon before you try to break it down. And it was very simple. Very simple.  And people can, you know, get seriously injured or even kill themselves by maybe skipping a step, you know, when it comes to handling a firearm. In other words, make sure you are not pointing it at anybody. And know what you are doing. The cardinal rule of it is to make sure it’s empty before you start messing with it, you know, unless of course you are out there hunting or something. And that’s, it’s an important thing.  

Get a routine and stick to it. Always remember that the first thing to do with a weapon if you pick it up is to make sure it’s not loaded. And every time you are done with the weapon, make sure it’s not loaded, the magazine is removed, or the round is not in the chamber, whether it’s a bolt action rifle, or something like that. And never carelessly point it at somebody. Make sure if you go out to shoot, that you are not shooting, you know, the bullet is not going somewhere where it might hurt somebody. You want to make sure you are--if you are out, say you hang a target somewhere, that you’re not going to end up shooting into a neighborhood or something. The gangsters don’t care about that. I’ve had experience with that in L.A. You know, that’s all part of it. That’s all part of it.

It depends on the personality of the person that got injured, you know? You might want to, some people you would say, “Well, why don’t you be an advocate for gun safety,” and they really don’t like that idea and they get angry at you. Where others would react just the opposite and say, “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll look into that.” That sort of thing. You know, you just show support. If it’s a family member and you love them, you know, you show support on being sympathy, but you don’t, you know, you don’t dwell on it. I mean if you have a person that’s really mentally struggling, then maybe you take it a step further and advise them to go get professional help.